First, last night I noticed a very interesting thing- a commercial for Loew's, which got so much ire from Bill O'Reilly last year for saying Happy Holidays, is still saying it- but the only stuff they're showing in their commercials is for Christmas. That's a mighty big Hanukkah Bush there, Loew's, and the Macca-ornaments are the wrong colors. So much for Happy Holidays being such an equalizer.
Also, the Great Christmas Defender O'Reilly seems to have caved a little- last night he peddled his crap on his online "Christmas-Hanukkah Store". Funny, the Hanukkah part doesn't seem to be up there yet. Well, I'm sure that's just an oversight. I'll send Bill an email or something. And anyway Bill, who do you think you are? The Founding Fathers didn't have Hannukah in mind when they starved the Indians and stole their land anymore than they did Kwanzaa or Id-al-Fitr. Why are you caving into PC BS? I thought you were going to tell it like it is. What's with the exception for Jews? (Not that we aren't flattered, or at least confused.)
Moving right along, we come to Dennis Prager, still defending his glorious myth of Judeo-Christianity, despite the fact that no Judeo-Christians that actually exist. Again, the Founding Fathers were a lot of things, but they weren't Judeo-Christians, and the model Dennis is proposing for America is not only unconstitutional but undemocratic, and oh, yeah, not so good for the Jews (or Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Shintos, Buddhists, hell, even Mormons!).
America decides what books get to be holy, by Book of Dumbass Prager.
"Hey, newly-elected Muslim-Commie-Hippy douche Congressman! You can't swear on the Koran! If you do, that means you're a Muslim, not an American! You know why? Because the only holy book in America is the Bible, and if you don't like it, you shouldn't be in Congress!"
Hey Dennis, why should government officials swear on holy books anyway? Why not have them swear on the Constitution or something?
"It doesn't matter! What matters is that Americans decided, as angry mobs do, that their way is right, and if you don't like it, don't run and get elected!"
But if Keith Ellison's district voted for him, clearly his being a Muslim doesn't bother them.
"That's why we're going to have to put everybody in the Minnesota 5th into America-camps. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The real issue is that Turban McJihad won't swear on a Bible."
But if he's a believing Muslim, there would be no point in having him swear on a book he doesn't believe to be true.
"He should at least have the decency to pretend along with everybody else, dammit!"
That doesn't make any sense.
Doesn't this mean that the so-called Judeo-Christian social compact really just requires Jews to sublimate their identity to the majority's will and social mores under the guise of entering into a position of equality?
"Nuh-uh! You're just a multiculturalist Fascist, and Ellison is getting a free pass because he's Muslim. You think Bin Laden cares that we're nice to Keith? He doesn't even get CSPAN in that cave of his."
Actually, more people are probably supporting Ellison bcause they think he actually has a point...
"No, he doesn't. Furthermore, if you let Muslims swear on the Koran, it's just going to lead to somebody swearing on Mein Kampf. I guess the real question is, why do you love Hitler?"
Sigh. Bye, Dennis.
Pat Boone is annoyed, and not just because his music sucks or his face looks like it's about to collapse in on itself. See, Pat likes Wal-mart, and he likes Christmas. He's happy that Sam Walton's ghost has helped vanquish "militant atheists".
I'm thrilled to see that Wal-Mart has banished "the Grinch" that threatened to steal Christmas, and will be advertising Christmas sales and playing Christmas music – and not conforming to the total "Holiday" imagery and advertising of other milk-toast wimp marketers. Again, the family friendly vision of Sam Walton lives on!Conveniently, the only families that shop at Wal-Mart are Christians. And Christians who really enjoy having their faith commercially butt-raped and then foisted back upon them like some Demon hell-spawn. I mean, have you really celebrated the birth of the Lord properly unless you've re-enacted it with gold-leaf china Nativity replicas? And what CHRISTMAS family newsletter would be complete without Madonna-and-Child postage? An American flag and two of those Navajo stamps just doesn't cut it. You might as well just flush your letter to Santa down the toilet and save the trip to the mail-box, or as we call it, "the Christmas communication center".
But wait, there's more about Walton's creepy ghost!
I believe he's smiling somewhere, possibly in the presence of the One whose birth Christmas celebrates.
Yeah, funny that. I don't think that One would be too happy at the travesty you've made out of his birthday. Next time just send cake (kosher, of course).
But banishing the Grinch isn't enough for Pat, because after taking this Christ-tastic step forward Wal-Mart apparently jumped three steps back and impaled itself on a rake:
So imagine my surprise, my shock really, when I read yesterday that this venerable company, the international outgrowth of Mr. Sam's personal vision, has agreed to automatically donate 5 percent of online sales directly to the Washington, D.C., community center for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people! The cash donation will come from online purchases made at Wal-Mart through the homosexual group's website. Every purchase made online for books, music, videos, clothing and accessories, children's clothing and toys, and electronics will automatically send 5 percent of the sales to the CCBLBT organization.
Those damn gays! How dare they buy things! Who do they think they are, Christians? Also, gays shouldn't be allowed to swear on a Bible. Maybe an AIDS pamphlet, though.
So what's Patty's response? Boycott Wal-Mart, of course. And he justifies it by appealing to more ghosts:
I suspect Mr. Sam is not smiling about the sudden flak, or the actions that caused it...He was a rock ribbed "traditional values" guy, and while he loved everybody and loved serving them, his own staff has told me of situations in which he took a stern, fatherly, moral stance with employees who weren't representing his American Christian values. He considered them his "family" and tried to lead them accordingly.
...How ironic, if Wal-Mart banishes the Grinch – but has its Christmas sales stolen by the gays!
Oh, and speaking of idealized fictions used to condemn elements of society that don't conform to artificially-created and retroactively-legitimized standards, more Pat Boone, who, not having any real things to be pissed off about, took the opportunity in his most recent column to bitch out people not praying on Thanksgiving. Right, because that's totally his business and totally affects him.
First Pat blames the ACLU, who apparently have sued Americans into submission inside their own dining rooms to the point that they no longer thank God for the glorious bounty before them. He appeals to BS nostalgia for the good-old-days that weren't so good if you weren't, say, a middle-class white Protestant male. He eulogizes the whitewashed, saccharine, and historical absurdity that was "the first Thanksgiving", and remenisces about finger-painting:
For all my life, and yours I expect, there were frequent everyday reminders that God was the source of our blessings in this country, and it was natural to take a day to offer thanksgiving—to Him.
In school, all kids were taught details of "the first Thanksgiving," in which our early forefathers dined with the Indians, sharing foods and customs and mutual faith in a Heavenly Provider, the Great Spirit, the loving God of heaven and earth. Most of us were encouraged to create our own drawings and images of what that event may have been like.
Yeah, and then we all ate paste. Cut to the chase, man.
Now, if we continue to allow these relatively few militant revisionists to dictate our national and social policy, this picture, this hallowed tradition will just fade away, become a faint recollection, and finally disappear forever.
See, revisionism is actually what you're doing, because... oh never mind.
If I have my history straight, Thanksgiving Day was officially added to our national calendar by Congress when Franklin D. Roosevelt was president, as a commemoration in its own right but also as an extension of the Christmas holiday season!
That makes no godamn sense whatsoever. Next you'll be saying Valentine's Day is an extension of Easter (and fighting hard, I'm sure, to put the "Saint" back in, lest we forget the vague thing that makes Valentine ever-so-slightly-important).
Lastly, Pat ties in not thanking God for food with the whole evolution and natural selection thing. Apparently without a Thanksgiving Prayer, you're little more than a lizard. *acid tongue-flick to Pat's eye. Score!*One last bit from Pat:
I guess I’m just old fashioned, too much a traditionalist. It feels so good, so right, to say out loud, "God in heaven, thank you for revealing Who You are to all who seek You and can read the evidence all around us, everywhere we look. Thank you for this living dream we call America, and all the blessings we enjoy because You instructed our forefathers through Your book..."
No, Pat, you can- and should- say whatever the hell you want. It's trying to guilt-trip the rest of us and suggest that nobody can celebrate anything differently than you and have it contain the smallest scintilla of meaning that makes you a shitty little cockroach. Screw being a traditionalist, I'd be satisfied if you just stopped being an asshole.
Hope you enjoyed the stuffing.