Welcome to our fair city, er, town, er, hamlet. We are happy you have chosen Herouxville as your new home. However, before you settle in, we feel you should know we have some ground rules:
- No stoning women.
- No female circumcision
- Women can drive
- Women can write checks
- For a while, "men have been allowed" to be present with their wives at childbirth.
- Women cannot cover their face except in certain situations (Halloween).
- No burning women with acid or lighting them on fire.
- Sikhs may not bring ceremonial daggers to school;
- Children are expected to sing Christmas carols at Christmas-time;
- And you are strongly discouraged from asking about whether meat has been properly slaughtered according to your religious beliefs. The answer is always no, please stop asking.
Please direct any complaints to M. Andre Drouin, but don't expect him to care:
"I think there's too much dialogue...Personally, I have a hard time with rights. I'd rather talk about duties and obligations. Every time you give someone rights, you add another brick to the walls that poison them."
Well I'm glad somebody finally said it. Stupid rights. Who needs em?
Oh, I seem to have gotten hold of a new set of Herouxville rules that will be voted on next week:
- Jews are respectfully asked to not drain children's blood, whether for purposes of consumption or "free expression";
- Irish immigrants should restrain any impulses to blow up our police stations or copulate with our potatoes while intoxicated;
-We would all appreciate it if new Asian residents could avoid eating our pets, mowing us down with their SUVs, or giving us SARs.
- Latinos: we've got our eye on you.
There will be a mandatory get-to-know you brunch next Thursday. Be sure to bring something normal- no ethnic food.
I bet they'll be getting tons of new folks showing up any day.