Thursday, July 23, 2009

Anything to advance an argument

Lazer's back with some great new theodicy. And by great, I mean disgusting.

Feast your eyes on this bit of (apparently-kosher) tripe submitted by a Lazer correspondent named Elliot:

I have compiled a catalogue of recent events in the UK which demonstrate how Hashem takes care of those who hate us.

And by "takes care of," he means in the Godfather sense.

The first example is ok. Jacqui Smith barred Moshe Feiglin from coming to Israel, now she's hit by political scandal. Fine, whatever. It has all the usual problems with theodicy, but it's not as horribly objectionable as what comes next.

During the recent Gaza war, a member of the British House of Lords called Lord Nazir Ahmed stood up in parliament demanding that any British citizen who has served in the IDF should be arrested and imprisoned. This, he said, is because the IDF were 'killing innocent civilians'. A short while later it was announced on the news that Lord Ahmed had been sentenced to imprisonment for dangerous driving. He was texting on his mobile whilst driving his car at speed, and caused a fatal accident in which an innocent motorist was killed.

Oh snap! And it's extra ironic because the MP killed an innocent "civilian" of the road! Man, what a wicked sense of humor that God has. Hey, Elliot, quick question, though-- I know Lord Ahmed was an enemy of Hashem and all, but what exactly did the motorist do to get on his bad side? (Wait, wait, don't tell me... did he forget to get his car's mezuzahs checked?)

The next story is almost spooky in its obvious 'turn for a turn'. In January 2004 Jenny Tonge, a Liberal Democrat Member of Parliament for Richmond Park, London, publicly expressed sympathy for Palestinian suicide bombers. She said if she was a Palestinian, she would be suicide bomber.

Oh, you mean like Barak said in an interview ten years ago?

Later that year an article appeared in the national press that could easily have been missed. A woman, daughter of a London MP, died in a freak accident in her kitchen, she was electrocuted. Her mother, yes, Jenny Tonge, she who empathised with the savage murderers of Jewish children lost her own child. She hasn't yet got the message because she is still involved in demonstrations showing her hatred of Israel; but we can certainly learn and take note.

Again, I like how we're jeering that a political opponent has "gotten what's coming to them" through the death of an uninvolved third party. Given that Elliot wants us to take notes here, I guess the lesson is, "If your parents say things God doesn't like, make sure you stay far away from them, maybe change your name, get plastic surgery, etc." Also, apparently Elliot's God hasn't read Deuteronomy 24:16 or Ezekiel 18:20.

But wait, there's more! Sometimes Hashem takes his revenge on you even if you don't say ANYTHING!

Going back in time a little, one time British Foreign Secretary Robin Cook demonstrated he was no friend of Israel. On an official visit to the country, after the obligatory visit to Yad vaShem he made a point of visiting Deir Yassin to lay a wreath there. Every self-respecting anti-semite knows all about Deir Yassin, where legend has it that Israelis committed an isolated atrocity against Arabs during the 1948 War of Independence. The story has been refuted by the very Arabs who were there. Nevertheless, Mr Cook had to balance his nasty little equation; the Holocaust and Deir Yassin.

Uh huh. Interesting side-note, guess who DIDN'T refute the Deir Yassin "story"? The Irgun.

Shortly after this Mr Cook's sordid private life was publicised in the national press. After years of cheating on his wife, he cruelly left her for his younger secretary and the papers had a field day. Ann Robinson of the Daily Express asked "Who would fancy that ugly little gnome?" Not long afterwoods he had an untimely death. No one remembered his political achievements; only the sordid stuff.

Boo-ya! He laid a wreath, and was smitten! In your face, gnome-man! The power of God and heart disease takes out another enemy of the people. Just in the nick of time, too. We all know how damaging laying wreaths can be, and how the Lord doesn't tolerate jerkwad politicians honoring the enemies of his precious children. Also, the comment about people only remembering "the sordid stuff" makes me think of another recent untimely death-- maybe the reason the media is concentrating on making Michael Jackson's demise into a total circus is because he pissed off God with that dumb song about "Jew me, Kike me." Just a thought.

You'd think Lazer would be embarassed to post this crap on his blog. You'd be wrong. Look at what the wunderrabbi wrote himself the day before.

One of the basics of emuna is that everything that happens in the world is the product of precision Divine Providence. One who attributes events to fate or coincidence scores "zero" in the field of spiritual awareness. Going through life without spiritual awareness is like riding a fast motorcycle on a pitch-black night without turning on the headlight. The outcome is a deadly collision course...

Uh huh. Notice that people that disagree with Lazer don't have a different opinion, aren't even just merely incorrect, they're spiritually dead. Nice. So, what, Lazer, your dear friends in Israel that have been killed over the years were, what, dirty, dirty sinners? Or maybe they were SOOO awesome that Hashem needed them as his ghost warriors up on high.

Also, Lazer, I know you like to use heymishe analogies so you can connect with the simple folk (and you seem to have a strong preference for manly and military objects, no doubt due to that whole "Rambo Rabbi" image you like to cultivate), but this time it seems a bit off. Saying that everything that happens in the world is because of Godly decisions AND therefore suggesting that people's spiritual decisions determine if they get what they deserve or not is more like deliberately deciding to ride a fast motorcycle in the dark with no headlight because you're wearing tzitzit and reciting Psalams, and there's no way Hashem would let such a tzaddik like yourself crash-- and besides, you don't need a helmet because the power of emunah will protect your holy, holy noggin.

Anyway, read on and throw up:

July has become a bloodbath month for American troops in Afghanistan. Last week (July 12th) on Israel National Radio, I went on record in saying that if Obama doesn't back off Jerusalem, he'll pay a nasty price in Afghanistan. Since then, there hasn't been a day when the US hasn't lost troops, a chopper, or a jet fighter.

I know, Lazer, who would have thought that we would continue to struggle in Afghanistan? Especially when the past eight years have been such a cakewalk? Incidentally-- I seem to recall the British and Russians getting hosed in Afghanistan as well 100-plus years ago: were they really threatening holy Yerushelayim as far back as the 1800s?

With typical ignorant arrogance, a U.S. military spokeswoman in Kabul, Lt. Cmdr. Christine Sidenstricker, said she has not heard anything to suggest a common thread tying the tragedies together. "I don't think they're related," she said. Meanwhile, yesterday, four more Americans were killed by a roadside bomb. Hashem's message on deaf ears, or rather ears that don't want to hear.

Yes, I can't believe that the administration is too dumb to connect two events which have nothing to do with each other and which aren't even happening on the same continent. Geez! It's like that time when Bush didn't connect the dots about the Gaza disengagement causing Hurricane Katrina (or was that the 2004 Tsunami?)

...The US Administration is too arrogant to add 2+2.

Maybe they're just bad at "spiritual math." No? "Emuna Algebra?" Wait, I've got it: "The Calculus of Hashem!" Nice. Lazer, I expect royalties on this one.

Obama has called Afghanistan, "My War," and was drunk with victory because of the first 5 days of success. But, your friend Lazer disagreed with Time Magazine, and said on Israel National Radio that the more the USA puts the squeeze on Israel in the matter of Jerusalem, the more Hashem will put the squeeze on the USA in the matter of Afghanistan.

Hmm, how delightfully random of him. It seems like it would be easier to stymie Obama on everything he tries to do.

Even more so, anything that carries Obama's name is doomed to failure.

Touche, God.


scazon said...

Well done. When I read that post on Lazer's blog I wanted to throw up. Good on you for taking the time out to call him on his and his reader's bullshit.

Friar Yid (not Shlita) said...

Don't thank me, thank our bankrupt public schools, who can only fund four weeks of summer programs, thereby actually giving me a bit of a vacation.