Summer cleaning

...Of tabs, of course. Here are some things in the news I've been meaning to comment on but haven't.

- Prophecy of Diamonds keep Israeli firm digging

In 1999, Taub founded Shefa Yamim, which means "bounty of the seas" in Hebrew, based on a conversation that took place 11 years earlier in Brooklyn, New York between the late Rabbi Menachem Schneerson and the then mayor of Haifa. The dialogue was caught on video. 

"The uniqueness of Haifa is that it has a sea and it has a valley -- and in the valley are precious stones and gems. The holy one, blessed be he, did a wondrous thing, he concealed them in the depths of the earth," the rabbi told his visitor.

I can't decide whether it's sillier to go digging for diamonds based on a single conversation with the rebbe, or drilling for oil based on a fundamental misunderstanding of Hebrew vocabulary (hint: shemen =/ naft).

- Jack Wertheimer still pissed about all Jews who aren't him

what manner of shortsightedness accounts for this refusal to see, first, Jews as a people with its own interests and, second, the reestablishment of a Jewish state as a singular theological event of our times. As our religious thinkers shift their gaze to “the universal condition,” who will tend to the condition of the Jewish people? Who, if not rabbis, will develop a Jewish, rather than a universal, theology for an American Jewish population that lacks religious mooring? 

...The point is not to cower in fear but to think beyond the moment, to identify specifically Jewish interests, and to formulate strategies in furtherance of those interests—precisely the agenda eschewed by the new American Jewish consensus and its cosmopolitan mission. So, much of Jewish life in this country continues to oscillate between high-minded invocations of the need to repair the world and endless rounds of catering to subjective tastes and whims disguised as self-validating beliefs...

As usual, my issue is less with Wertheimer's facts than with his interpretation and tone. By carping about the social mores of American Jews (he calls them the "new 10 commandments") and suggesting that they have sacrificed all focus on specific Jewish values, principles or interests for popular culture, Wertheimer comes across as superior and snide. In framing the views of some as representative of the whole, he appears intellectually dishonest. And while he spends lots of time criticizing others for not thinking "beyond the moment," nowhere does he step up to the plate and articulate exactly what some of those specific Jewish interests might be, or offer some practical examples of people doing Judaism or Jewry the way he wants to see it. Is that because it doesn't exist outside of his head, or because it's more fun to complain about everyone else doing it wrong?

- Surveys say things about stuff!

Apparently people in charge of communal hand-wringing are going to town on the news that, surprise surprise, the Orthodox birthrate is increasing. More troubling is that Reform and Conservative numbers are dropping. Eventually I may need to update my graph. On the plus side, though, several commenters have noted that what this really demonstrates is a chance for people closely involved in these movements to work on making them more relevant to their members, as well as potential members. Whether this winds up increasing the numbers or not, it will ultimately be good for the movements.

-  New Conservative teshuvah focuses on Shabbat & tech

The results of several years of work, Nevins’s ruling is a technical examination of Halacha and technology. For many decades, rabbis banned electricity on the Sabbath because they thought it violated the Torah’s prohibition of fire. But in his teshuvah, or legal responsum, Nevins argues that new gadgets like iPhones and e-readers violate not the Torah’s ban on fire — no sparks are set off by turning them on — but its ban on writing and recording. 

These electronics, Nevins said, are more complicated than their on/off switches. A cell phone records the time a call is placed and the length of the call; an Amazon Kindle allows its user to type notes into the text. And computers are constantly capturing user data. By utilizing our gadgets, we are “working” even when we don’t realize it. “For me it feels effortless and like nothing is happening,” Nevins said, “but a lot is happening under the hood.” 

What’s more, these technologies violate the notion that the Sabbath should be both a time to rest and a time to keep it local. “Contemporary families spend much of their time together focused on individual electronic devices. Faces lit by glowing screens large and small, ears attached to headphones, they busily interact with friends and strangers across the world while making minimal contact with the people around them,” Nevins wrote. “Shabbat can and should be different.” 

Though many Conservative Jews don’t observe the Sabbath, Nevins said that his teshuvah is more than a thought experiment, and that it will guide the policies of camps, schools, synagogues — and individuals — about electricity usage on the Sabbath.

I was surprised how much of this teshuvah reflected my and Mrs. Yid's "no-screen" thoughts, albeit more within a halachic framework. Given that many people seem to be agreeing with the basic premise that unplugging from technology may be a good way to create some balance in your life, it will be interesting to see whether the idea of using Shabbat as a vehicle for this voluntary abstention will gain traction, and if so whether it will lead people to taking further steps, either in observing Shabbat or other Jewish practices.

- Last, Tzvi managed to last a whole month and a half at the Jewish Press before he started pimping his Tevye book, again. I wonder how many e-papers need to ask him to stop before he'll accept that no one is reading this?

In Tzvi's typically humble fashion, here's the title for his first Tevye post:

Possibly the Greatest Jewish Novel Ever Written

Tzvi, you need to stop writing that your Sholom Aleichem rip-off is the best Jewish Novel ever. Or failing that, just stop writing.

Oil, oil everywhere, and many boneheads to talk about it

Prophecy is fun, isn't it? It helps you decipher the news and interpret what otherwise would seem to be random unfortunate events into things with super cosmic significance.

But... what happens when you can't get your story straight?

Good times, of course.

First up we have a typical fire and brimstone commentary from a couple of wacko Protestant ministers. We're already familiar with Hal Lindsey around here (he's still claiming that Zion Oil is going to strike it rich any day now). But this Carl Gallups guy is a new one. Let's see what he's got to say:

"April the 19th, Israel celebrates its independence in 2010," Gallups says in narration on the video. "On April the 19th, Fox News reports that the U.S. will no longer automatically support Israel in the United Nations. The next day, on April the 20th, the Deepwater Horizon oil rig explodes. Coincidence? Or the hand and judgment of God?"

Hmm. Intriguing. Do you have any evidence to support your claim, or, failing that, random bible verses you can misinterpret to vaguely fit the occasion?

In the Book of Genesis, God told him, "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse ... ."

Nice.

Gallups says while he was preparing his radio show, he wondered what else happened in the time frame of the rig explosion, to see if there was any connection to anything biblical at all.

He found the Fox News article dated April 19, and said what's significant about the date is that it's Israel's Independence Day this year.

Although Israel's original declaration took place May 14, 1948, the annual celebration actually floats from year to year in Israel, based on the lunar-based Hebrew calendar, and took place on April 19, 2010.

Upon realizing the date connection, "I looked at that and chills went up and down my spine," he told WND. "That's when I knew there was a correlation. To me, I just immediately felt a spiritual connection to it. If you have a spiritual perception at all, it really hits you hard."

Um... why, exactly? It's not like America suddenly got a divine gift certificate after supporting Israel's creation in 1948. Why would we get such a sudden smack-down for going the other way? And incidentally, Rev, Israel celebrating its birthday is not really a "Biblical connection." Finding some pottery shards from the First Temple, that's a biblical connection. Stumbling over some ancient scrolls, that's a biblical connection. The fact that things happen in Israel according to the Hebrew calendar is not a biblical connection, it's a logical result of using the calendar. That's like saying a guy in Tel Aviv slipping on a banana peel is a "biblical connection" to Deuteronomy 32:35, or Jeremiah 23:12.

Hal Lindsey, having more mustache than brains, unsurprisingly agrees:

"I believe this is evidence that when you turn your back on Israel, especially when you've been a supporter, you're gonna see judgments come from God," said Hal Lindsey, author of "The Late Great Planet Earth."

"It's finally reaching the point where God is removing His protection from us," he said. "I believe we back away from being a friend to Israel at our peril. We need to come back to be a supporter of one who is so important in God's plan."

Regarding the oil spill specifically, Lindsey said, "I think that this disaster is just one of many disasters. Our country is falling apart economically. The current government is overturning our constitutional republic, turning it into a socialist country. That's about as big a curse as you can get. We just have one catastrophe after another and then we have this big wake-up call in the Gulf."

Hmm, sounds pretty doomsday-ey.

Lindsey, who at age 80 is still active analyzing Bible prophecy on his website, said in preparation for his programs, he studies current world events, taking note of calamities.

"It used to be you'd have to hunt for things, but now it's a matter of sorting out which one you're gonna use. There are just so many catastrophes and disasters," he said. "That's not a popular view to take, by the way, as critics will say, 'There they go again.' No one wants to address true judgment from God."

Yeah, not like back in the day like during the Great Depression or the Nixon years, when you couldn't turn on the TV or open a newspaper without being gobsmacked with good news.

Ok, so the Protestants see this as a catastrophe and a curse. But let's see what our favorite Jewish would-be-prophet says. Lazer?

The Prophecy of Gushing Oil

With oil still gushing into the Gulf of Mexico and now reaching Louisiana's marshes and rivers, it looks like yet another prophecy is being fulfilled:

Right, the Genesis one. But we heard that already.

"I will create sediment in their waters and rivers and make them flow like oil, the word of The Lord Hashem" (Ezekiel 32:14).

First of all, all you wingnuts need to have a meeting so you can get your story straight. Number two, isn't that oil reference there just a metaphor? It looks like a straight-up direct comparison to me. Isn't claiming that "make water flow like oil" equals "contaminate water with oil" sort of like arguing that Psalm 29's "He makes Lebanon skip like a calf" predicts the eventual genetic mutation of the Lebanese into a kind of hybrid human-veal species?

Sigh. At least there's one thing everyone can agree on. Hal?

WND asked Lindsey if he thought we're now in the "end time" spoken of in the Bible before the return of Jesus Christ to Earth.

"I think the prophecies are written that they encourage us to look for Christ's return," he said. "It's written so that it's imminent, that it could come at any time."

Oh good. And Lazer?

The Gemara that we learn this week (Sanhedrin 98a) says that when the waters are heavy with oil, and the fish can no longer live, then these are the days when Moshiach is imminent.

Sweet. I'll be moving to the moon if anyone needs me.

Really? Still?

It's a good thing I have these automatic news generators running next to the blog, because otherwise there's tons of nuttiness I might miss out on during the day. For instance, I had never heard of the Boise Christian Living Examiner. But luckily, the BCLE decided to do a story near to my heart, so I'm happy to give them some free publicity here.

All right, here goes...

Apparently the BCLE is run by a bunch of idiots.

But don't take my word for it, check out this piece of claptrap.

John Brown, a Christian from Texas who formed Zion Oil and Gas in 2000, recently raised $21 million to continue his search for oil in Israel. According to an MSN news report, Brown is using passages from Genesis and Deuteronomy -- verses that detail God's ancient blessing on the tribes of Asher and Joseph -- as his inspiration and guide for drilling in Israel. He expects black gold will be flowing within a few months. "There's no maybe -- it's going to happen," commented the 69-year-old Texan. In a France 24 report, Brown explained, "What started as a faith journey became more proof positive in that we have seismic and scientific evidence to back up what we're doing . . . It's the geology confirming the theology."

Really now? That's funny, because Brown and his brainless schmuckolytes have been saying this since... well, since ever, really.

April 2006:

"There is a number (quantifying how much oil the company thinks it will find), and when I see that number, I want to tell it to the world," John M. Brown told UPI.

I don't know about you, but I haven't heard any breaking news about oil deposits showing up on Mt. Carmel. Granted, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absense. On the other hand, John Brown appears to be certifiably insane. The fact that every few years he declares "just a few more months to go" is the hallmark of a fraud. (I can't decide which comparison I'd rather use here.. so many choices!)

But look, the BCLE doesn't just take one guy's word for it. Reporter Marianne Davis has more:

Tovia Luskin, a Russian Jew and a trained petroleum geologist, has been drilling in Israel for over twenty years. Like John Brown, Luskin began his quest for Israel after reading about God's ancient blessings in the Old Testament, and his searching finally paid off. According to an oilinisrael.net report, Luskin's Israeli oil company, Givot Olam, discovered oil in three exploratory wells in 2004. Givot Olam "proved to the Israeli government that there was oil under their exploration license . . . to the tune of nearly a billion barrels . . . . The eighteen month exploration license became a thirty year production lease."

Uh huh. And since they've started drilling, they have produced... how much? There has not been a single media report about Givot Olam since December 2007. Something tells me things aren't quite going as planned.

Further displaying her utter inability to sift truth from smoke being blown her way, Marianne continues:

Is Israel really sitting on huge deposits of oil, then? Earlier this year, Noble Energy discovered three massive gas reservoirs off the Haifi coast at the Tamar prospect. Charles D. Davidson, CEO of Noble Energy, remarked, "This is one of the most significant prospects that we have ever tested and appears to be the largest discovery in the company's history." Jerusalem Post reported that the historic discovery will "meet Israel's natural gas demand for about 15 years and reduce the country's dependence on gas imports from Egypt and offshore from Gaza."

Better question: Are oil and natural gas the same thing? No? Well then it seems that there's no connection between the natural gas people, who seem to be basing their investments on things like research, and crazies like Brown, who are mistranslating a Bible verse about olive oil to justify looking for petroleum.

Fun fact: apparently Luskin isn't quite as crazy or in-Hebrew-literate as Brown. Rather, Luskin says he's "just" working off of the verses in Deuteronomy that talk about Joseph getting blessed with "precious dew from heaven above and with the deep waters that lie below." Luskin says this has "deep geological significance."

All right, fine. The deep waters, ok, I can see that. But what about this precious Heaven dew? Is that Manna? Acid rain? Falling diamonds?

Wait, of course! If we can just make acid rain into a fuel source... God, you trickster, you've done it again!

Bonus: For an extra-bad time, make sure to check out the BCLE page's comments. A particularly good one is Steve's, again showing a nice disregard of what languages actually mean, when he claims that Zion Oil's not-success is "proof" of a prophecy "that Jacob (Israel)would "suck honey out of the rock, and oil out of the flinty rock. (Deuteronomy 32:13)"

Interesting. Now please tell me, Steve, if 'oil from flinty rock' means petroleum, what on earth does 'honey' mean? Yellow-cake uranium?

I also like Justin's, which informs us that "What's even more exciting than Isreal finding oil is that Jesus will be coming to earth the second time. We can see everything going on in the world today(including Isreal [sic] discovering oil) and know that Jesus is at the door."

Unfortunately, Justin neglected to explain exactly where Jesus made this (accidentally) brilliant prophecy. However I would like to take the opportunity and state for the record that I believe Justin is right-on on this one: I have no doubt that Israel will be pumping oil before ol' J.C. comes back.

Zion Oil strikes it rich

Or so says Hal Lindsey.

Hal's really worried about Hugo Chavez, who, if you haven't heard, is apparently something of a dick. But more important than anything Chavez does to his own people is his potential to hurt us:

Chavez is assuming the role of America's new Castro, but Venezuela is no Cuba. Cuba cost America some banana and sugar plantations and the very rich had to find someplace else to gamble, but by and large, Castro hurt Cuba a lot more than he hurt the United States.

Chavez is what Castro would have been if he had been sitting on one of the richest oil fields in the world: an enemy too dangerous to live with, and too expensive for us to live without.

Venezuela is America's fifth largest supplier of oil. And Chavez owns (or will soon own) all the oil companies.

I know, let's kill him! Oops, sorry, wrong psycho-vangelist. My bad. But you know what IS cool? Hal's bizarre eschatology. Check it out:

Venezuela is buddies with Iran. Iran is allied with Russia (I mean, so are we, in theory, but... hey, shut up, the rev's talking!)

So three fairly powerful countries are allied against the U.S. Ok, so what?

The prophet Ezekiel predicted the development of a vast alliance that would include Russia, Persia (Iran) "and many people with thee" in the last days that would launch a surprise invasion of Israel.

Wow, I didn't know Ezekiel mentioned "Russia" in his prophecy!

...Wait, really? Oh, not so much. Nice try though, Hal. And "many people with thee"? Why surely that must refer to Venezuela! As opposed to say, Carthaginians or Hittites. You know, people Ezekiel might have actually heard of.

So the Alliance of the Schmucks is the army of Gog and Magog. Fine. Now what, Hal? Well, apparently Israel's got a new weapon in its arsenal- it can play the oil card, too. Or so says Hal.

A Texas oil company, Genco, recently announced the discovery of a large oil field near the Dead Sea. Israeli Infrastructure Minister Binyamin Ben Eliezer called the strike "just the beginning."

British Natural Gas announced the discovery of a vast natural gas deposit 20 miles offshore of Tel Aviv. Initial estimates suggest some 3.5 trillion cubic feet in proved reserves.

Zion Oil has sunk eight exploratory wells, all of which have shown signs of oil and gas. Zion founder John Brown believes the amount of oil reserves hidden beneath Israel could rival that of Saudi Arabia.

Well, kind of. Genco's official was quoted in July saying "the amount of oil could reach commercial levels". They can estimate all they want (between four and six million barrels, worth an estimated 300 million dollars), but it doesn't mean much until they get it out of the ground. So far there's nothing on the web confirming the British Natural Gas story, and Zion Oil, while having an IPO in January, seems to still be quite a ways away from making any headway.

And if you knew more about John Brown and the guys he hangs out with, you might be inclined to take what he says with a bit of salt. Say, a few pounds.

By the way, Hal, if you and your buddies are such supposed "literalists", what's with interpreting Magog as "Russia"? And since when is Armageddon supposed to involve oil price wars? Are some of my pages stuck together? Help me out here.

Zion Oil, part 2

It's worse than we thought: Apparently the Israeli govt. has signed on with these numbskulls. This from 2005:

What is unique now is that the scientists behind Zion Oil have come to the conclusion, through extensive research, that there might be a large commercial oil reserve 14,000 feet (4200 meters) under Israel proper with estimated reserves of 330 million to 2 billion barrels. At the current rate of consumption, this would satisfy aggregate oil demand for the entire country for 3.5 years at a minimum, to 20 years maximum. This is quite a substantial improvement over what the country has now. As most large energy financial concerns are heavily entrenched in other areas of the Middle East, Zion Oil found outside investors with similar cultural interest in Israel; which probably means that their money comes from religious causes, both Christian and Jewish (yes, religious causes invest their money, so don’t be fooled by the .org).

Blessed with financial backing and science, the Israeli government has granted Zion Oil drilling rights for the next 30 years over 200 square kilometers in the area around Pardes Hana – Karkur, from the Green line to the sea. The site, Meged, is the first with true commercial potential on the international arena, and would easily be connected to the two large scale refineries, in Haifa and Ashdod.

Now, is it in Israel's interest to find oil? Sure. Do they have anything practical to lose from letting the Zion Oil winguts drill there? No. But this is just another step in a long history of the Israelis basically letting evangelical Christians ride roughshod over them in the name of a condescending faux-ecumenicalism and in exchange for big bucks (or in this case, moderate-sized bucks and the potential for major bucks).

Why does Israel continue to be for sale? Who in the government actually told the Finance Ministry or the Mining Ministry or whoever, "yeah, go meet with the guys who want to drill on Joseph's Head"?? And what's this "extensive research" line? I thought all the research from this came from John Brown skimming Deuteronomy and not knowing Hebrew.

For the curious, incidentally, it's now been three years, going on four, since Zion Oil was incorportated. They claimed back in April that they had "totally" found oil (or possibly kerosene), but it still seems to be coming along very slowly- i.e., not really at all. This quote was nice:

"There is a number (quantifying how much oil the company thinks it will find), and when I see that number, I want to tell it to the world," John M. Brown told UPI.

Hmm, I guess that means they still haven't found any.

In a 2004 article in the Oil & Gas Journal, geologist Stephen Pierce wrote about the prospects for Zion's license, concluding: "Zion has a strong probability of making a significant discovery of some 484 million barrels of oil."

Israel depends on fossil fuels for much of its energy needs. It imports all of its oil and in 2003 bought 270,000 barrels per day, according to the U.S. Energy Department's Energy Information Administration.

At the time of his assessment, Pierce was not affiliated with the company, and the assessment was his own. Since then, Pierce, also an evangelical Christian, has served as a consulting geologist for Zion.

In light of predictions like that, Brown expressed disappointment at the lack of black geysers.

"I expected the oil to be flowing -- thousands of barrels of it ... while I understand what (Perry) and the scientists are saying, it's still not flowing," Brown said.

"Success is when oil's flowing out and helping Israel, and anything less is unacceptable," Brown said.

Ah, schadenfreude. Tastes so good it must be fattening.

P.S. This annoyed me:

He consulted pastors and rabbis to check his interpretation of the text, and geologists and industry experts to check the science.

A friend who reads Hebrew told me that olive oil and petroleum are two distinctly different words. Can anyone in the Jblogosphere with access to Deut. check this? Are these rabbis full of it?

Wingnuts, part 2

Anyone ever hear of Zion Oil? No? Then have I got a story for you, courtesy of a 2 and a half year-old Hal Lindsey column. (For the benefit of the ADD-afflicted, I'll paraphrase the boring parts:)

Once there was a small nation named Israel. Israel had a lot of problems- its people kept worshipping idols and had trouble staying in line with what its priests God wanted, so every once in a while the priests had to slap the people around a little. Sometimes they used special people called judges to help defend them against outside enemies. Sometimes they used kings. And sometimes the Israelites just got their butts kicked.

Eventually, the second kingdom of Israel came around, and there were still problems. One group that liked to hear the sound of its own voice was the prophets, a group of malcontents and holier-than-thous who constantly castigated the Israelites for, well, being jerks. But every once in a while they stopped sniffing their crack pipe and prophesying dire destruction or alien abductions, and would deliver some good news, like, "if you do what we God says (for a change), you'll be prosperous! You'll get nice things like goats, cattle, and other agricultural products! Even olive oil!"

The Israelites liked this. Olive oil, in addition to being yummy, was also somewhat expensive, and generally signified wealth (as it did for many Mediterranean societies).

But then, thousands of years later, a group called the Protestants came around. They decided they didn't need to learn Hebrew (King James' banker was Reform), and that they would come up with their own translation of the Bible, which wasn't very accurate. They also ignored, rejected, and sometimes burned all the Jewish commentary of the Bible they could get their hands on. This made for a very confusing document, but the Protestants didn't mind, particularly as they were too busy killing each other, as well as everyone else, to pay much attention.

Enter Hal Lindsey. Hal, would you care to take it from here?

At just this time of world turmoil being brought about
by OPEC, I believe we are about to witness another one of those miracles
promised to Israel. What if Israel were to strike oil? This certainly would make
them wealthy. More than that, it would change the political balance of power in
the Middle East.

A man named John Brown – without much more than his faith – has put together an oil company and purchased leases in a specific place in Israel. It is a in a location that is very much a part of some important prophecies in the Old Testament. He founded the Zion Oil and Gas Company as the result of studying prophecies God proclaimed to two of the sons of the Patriarch Jacob.

...Joseph is a fruitful bough, a fruitful bough by a spring ... By the God of your father who will help you, And by the Almighty who will bless you with blessings of heaven above, Blessings of the deep that lies beneath ... The blessings of your father have excelled the blessings of my ancestors, up to the utmost bound of the everlasting hills. They shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him who was separate from his brothers.
– Genesis 49:22, 25- 26

Note that it predicts his great blessing will come from "the deep that lies beneath" his land. And specifically on "crown of his head." The land that was allotted to Joseph's two sons forms the profile of a man's head.

Now listen to another prophecy about the blessing of another of Jacob's sons whose land adjoins Joseph's. Moses proclaimed blessings on Jacob's sons just before he died. He predicted concerning Asher:

Asher is most blessed of sons; let him be favored by his brothers, and let him dip his foot in OIL.– Deuteronomy 33:24

The land allotted to Asher looks like a leg with a foot. Its toe points straight at the crown of Joseph's head.

Zion Oil's leases are directly under where Asher's toe points. Coincidence? If it were anywhere other than Israel, I would say it is merely coincidence. But here we are dealing with a nation of miracles in the crosshairs of God's prophetic Word.

At this moment, Zion Oil and Gas is selling stock in order to finish its first well. It is right in the center of an area that geologically looks promising. I believe the main reason others have failed to find oil is that they did not drill deep enough.

Investment in oil exploration is always a big gamble. But, I believe this is a gamble worth taking for the sake of Israel. Besides, I believe God's Word is giving some pretty good clues here.

Of course, Hal was correct. It wasn't just a coincidence- Mr. Brown had specifically chosen that location after consulting his Bible, and, just like Hal, deciding that "oil" could only refer to crude petroleum. Of course, it's been almost three years now and Zion Oil has yet to strike it rich, but that's probably just due to something else. Maybe God is punishing the board of directors for something, like a lack of faith, or religious bigotry, or nepotism.

Personally, I'm looking forward to when they uncover a major deposit of Quaker State.

P.S. Check out Hal's handy-dandy map. Note the captions.