Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Really? Still?

It's a good thing I have these automatic news generators running next to the blog, because otherwise there's tons of nuttiness I might miss out on during the day. For instance, I had never heard of the Boise Christian Living Examiner. But luckily, the BCLE decided to do a story near to my heart, so I'm happy to give them some free publicity here.

All right, here goes...

Apparently the BCLE is run by a bunch of idiots.

But don't take my word for it, check out this piece of claptrap.

John Brown, a Christian from Texas who formed Zion Oil and Gas in 2000, recently raised $21 million to continue his search for oil in Israel. According to an MSN news report, Brown is using passages from Genesis and Deuteronomy -- verses that detail God's ancient blessing on the tribes of Asher and Joseph -- as his inspiration and guide for drilling in Israel. He expects black gold will be flowing within a few months. "There's no maybe -- it's going to happen," commented the 69-year-old Texan. In a France 24 report, Brown explained, "What started as a faith journey became more proof positive in that we have seismic and scientific evidence to back up what we're doing . . . It's the geology confirming the theology."
Really now? That's funny, because Brown and his brainless schmuckolytes have been saying this since... well, since ever, really.

April 2006:

"There is a number (quantifying how much oil the company thinks it will find), and when I see that number, I want to tell it to the world," John M. Brown told UPI.

I don't know about you, but I haven't heard any breaking news about oil deposits showing up on Mt. Carmel. Granted, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absense. On the other hand, John Brown appears to be certifiably insane. The fact that every few years he declares "just a few more months to go" is the hallmark of a fraud. (I can't decide which comparison I'd rather use here.. so many choices!)

But look, the BCLE doesn't just take one guy's word for it. Reporter Marianne Davis has more:

Tovia Luskin, a Russian Jew and a trained petroleum geologist, has been drilling in Israel for over twenty years. Like John Brown, Luskin began his quest for Israel after reading about God's ancient blessings in the Old Testament, and his searching finally paid off. According to an oilinisrael.net report, Luskin's Israeli oil company, Givot Olam, discovered oil in three exploratory wells in 2004. Givot Olam "proved to the Israeli government that there was oil under their exploration license . . . to the tune of nearly a billion barrels . . . . The eighteen month exploration license became a thirty year production lease."

Uh huh. And since they've started drilling, they have produced... how much? There has not been a single media report about Givot Olam since December 2007. Something tells me things aren't quite going as planned.

Further displaying her utter inability to sift truth from smoke being blown her way, Marianne continues:

Is Israel really sitting on huge deposits of oil, then? Earlier this year, Noble Energy discovered three massive gas reservoirs off the Haifi coast at the Tamar prospect. Charles D. Davidson, CEO of Noble Energy, remarked, "This is one of the most significant prospects that we have ever tested and appears to be the largest discovery in the company's history." Jerusalem Post reported that the historic discovery will "meet Israel's natural gas demand for about 15 years and reduce the country's dependence on gas imports from Egypt and offshore from Gaza."

Better question: Are oil and natural gas the same thing? No? Well then it seems that there's no connection between the natural gas people, who seem to be basing their investments on things like research, and crazies like Brown, who are mistranslating a Bible verse about olive oil to justify looking for petroleum.

Fun fact: apparently Luskin isn't quite as crazy or in-Hebrew-literate as Brown. Rather, Luskin says he's "just" working off of the verses in Deuteronomy that talk about Joseph getting blessed with "precious dew from heaven above and with the deep waters that lie below." Luskin says this has "deep geological significance."

All right, fine. The deep waters, ok, I can see that. But what about this precious Heaven dew? Is that Manna? Acid rain? Falling diamonds?

Wait, of course! If we can just make acid rain into a fuel source... God, you trickster, you've done it again!

Bonus: For an extra-bad time, make sure to check out the BCLE page's comments. A particularly good one is Steve's, again showing a nice disregard of what languages actually mean, when he claims that Zion Oil's not-success is "proof" of a prophecy "that Jacob (Israel)would "suck honey out of the rock, and oil out of the flinty rock. (Deuteronomy 32:13)"

Interesting. Now please tell me, Steve, if 'oil from flinty rock' means petroleum, what on earth does 'honey' mean? Yellow-cake uranium?

I also like Justin's, which informs us that "What's even more exciting than Isreal finding oil is that Jesus will be coming to earth the second time. We can see everything going on in the world today(including Isreal [sic] discovering oil) and know that Jesus is at the door."

Unfortunately, Justin neglected to explain exactly where Jesus made this (accidentally) brilliant prophecy. However I would like to take the opportunity and state for the record that I believe Justin is right-on on this one: I have no doubt that Israel will be pumping oil before ol' J.C. comes back.

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