Tzvi starts off being pissy because only 35 Jews protested at the UN against a Palestinian state. He then uses this as a springboard to wax idiotic about how this demonstrates a complete lack of Jewish identity in the US. (Because we all know that Jewish identity is predicated on protesting at the UN. That's totally the 614th commandment- I don't care what that fancy-pants philosopher guy said.)
From there, we go deeper into the stupid pool. In case you're not convinced about the protesting-as-Jewish-litmus-test thing, fear not, Tzvi's got another test that's even more fool-
to spread the message of aliyah, I recently started to make friends on Facebook. There, I discovered a very noteworthy thing. As everyone knows, Facebook lovers can write all about themselves and their interests on their “walls.” (How very different that wall is from ours.) There, they can tell all of their friends about their favorite books and movies and television shows, music and philosophy. Now here is the interesting thing. All of my new Facebook friends tend to be avid supporters of Israel and obviously proud to be Jews. They post all kinds of news stories, and blogs, and Youtube clips about Israel with great devotion and passion. But by and large, when you glance at their preferences in movies and music and books, they like all of the American garbage that the goyim love – the stupid celebrities and rock stars, and idiot TV shows, and sci-fi movies, and trash thrillers – all kinds of names, and groups, and books, and movies that I’ve never heard of, thank G-d.Oh my God, he's right! How dare Jews enjoy things? Our holy ancestors didn't have any fun and look how great they turned out. Why do you think they invented things like gefilte fish and Slivovitz? To make them extra-dour, of course. And don't think the ban on fun is just in Israel. American Jews are doing their best to quash it here in the states, too. When it comes to working hard to not enjoy themselves, the couple from American Gothic has nothing on us.
But hang on, it gets better. After crapping all over US Jews for having the temerity to like TV, movies, and crappy books, Tzvi's next column announced that he was offering a fantastic prize to his millionth reader (not that he cares about silly worldly matters like popularity or anything). Can you guess what it is?
I am pleased to announce that the prize will be a copy of what may be the greatest Jewish novel ever written, “Tevye in the Promised Land,” for which I won the Israel Ministry of Education Award for Creativity and Jewish Culture.That's right, pathetic Diaspora exiles, make sure to burn all the crap you actually like, because if you're lucky enough, you just might get a free copy of Tzvi's kick-ass book. (Just thinking about leafing through its pages makes me go all squishy inside.)
Forget "Hollywood to the Holy Land." In honor of his millionth hit, I think Tzvi should change his blog name to better reflect his message. How about "Great Balls of Chutzpah?"
4 comments:
Perplexasubmits that there may be some confusion between "observant right-wing Jew" and "crotchety old man". I thunk I may agree.
You quote Mr. Fishman as saying:
"Now here is the interesting thing. All of my new Facebook friends tend to be avid supporters of Israel and obviously proud to be Jews. They post all kinds of news stories, and blogs, and Youtube clips about Israel with great devotion and passion. But by and large, when you glance at their preferences in movies and music and books, they like all of the American garbage that the goyim love – the stupid celebrities and rock stars, and idiot TV shows, and sci-fi movies, and trash thrillers – all kinds of names, and groups, and books, and movies that I’ve never heard of, thank G-d."
This is supposed to prove that there is something wrong with American Jews that requires them to immediately move to Israel? Has Mr. Fishman bothered to examine the Facebook profiles of Israelis? What is Mr. Fishman going to say when he finds out that Israelis by and large also prefer the same (or similar) types of cultural items as American Jews?
Anyway, I sure hope Mr. Fishman doesn't bother to read this group blog by a bunch of actual Israelis:
http://972mag.com/
They don't seem to be infatuated with American popular culture, but somehow, I don't think Mr. Fishman would like hat they have to say.
-Conservative apikoris
"I am pleased to announce that the prize will be a copy of what may be the greatest Jewish novel ever written, “Tevye in the Promised Land,” for which I won the Israel Ministry of Education Award for Creativity and Jewish Culture."
OY! I was a Zionist back in the old days, before Herzl, even, and now that Zionism has succeeded beyond Herzl's wildest dreams in establishing a Jewish State, what does this State do, but give a literary prize to a piece of dreck that is a straight ripoff of my works. I can't sue the SOB, because I'm dead, and I suppose Tevye and Anatevka are in the public domain now. Too bad I had to live before the Digital Millennium Copyright Act was passed, which would have let me control my works for practical perpetuity.
From the blurb, it's obvious that this guy Fishman didn't understand my writing at all. Has he ever read any of it? Even in English translation? Didn't he realize that I was a satirist? If I had written a book about Tevye going to the Land of Israel (and as far as I'm concerned, when they told the Jews in Anatevka to clear out, they all went to New York, just like I did), that book would have been a total send-off of everybody involved, the Zionist pioneers, the Turks, the ant-Zionist Jews back in the old country, you name it, I would have mocked it. Of course (and this was my genius) I was able to mock everything Jewish without offending the pompous Jewish community leaders, and was very popular amongst Jewish readers, even as I satirized everything about their life. Somehow, I don't think this Tzvi Fishman fellow is capable of such a thing.
-- Sholem Aleichem (aka Solomon Rabinovich)
Ah Sholem,
No one knows better than I, a great fan of yours, just how shafted you have been by the Jewish community of the past 95 years. Oh yes, people always gave you lots of lip service in America, but when push came to shove you were never able to quite recapture your European popularity. Of course, dying early of tuberculosis didn't help, and neither did writing in a language that presently is mostly only read by academics, nonogenarians and of course, humorless black-hatters. It seems that everyone likes to exploit your name these days, whether it be fiction writers like Fishman or random college professors grafting their ideas about Jewish sociology onto your well-crafted characters. It's a crying shame that most people who "think" they know you actually haven't read you but have merely seen Fiddler on the Roof.
It is too bad you never made it to Israel. The closest parallel I've been able to find to your stinging satire as applied to the Holy Land has been Ehrenburg's Stormy Life of Laz Roitshvantz (which, if nothing else, is worse digging up if only to read about a protagonist named Red-Cock).
You- and the educated, funny, and thoughtful Jews you represented and wrote for-- are sorely missed in today's Jewish world.
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