New Charity Idea

Inspired from this thread over on DovBear (based on this incredible- if true- story from Ynet), the Friar is announcing a new charity. I know what you're thinking, you already give enough- to the shul, to AIPAC, the ADL, maybe even a few political parties or two. If you're non-Orthodox and over the age of 30 and have incredible feelings of guilt and no backbone, you probably piss some decent multiple of 18 down the drain at this thing every year, too.

But this is a really important cause, everyone, so let's all give till it hurts.

Every year, as millions of Jews around the world struggle to make a living (whether through honest work, legitimate economic support from government and religious institutions, or, occaisonally and depressingly, fraud), there are upwards of 1,000 rebbes, Roshei Yeshivas, and other great Gedolim who have to live without furniture. These noble sages, these brilliant minds, these wonderful souls who take time out of their busy schedules to intervene with the Almighty on our behalf (and, you know, convince him not to blow us all to Hell) deserve a little something back, don't you think?

And don't try and take the easy way out and say, "Aren't most of these guys filthy rich?" That's an ugly, hurftul stereotype, and if you keep it up, we'll call Abraham Foxman on you. Yes, some of these halogen-like illuminaries happen to have some private assets, but since when is that against the law, you dirty Bolshevik? Besides, some of these guys have really large families, and they have to make a living, too. Just because everyone may THINK of the rebbe as being "their father" doesn't mean he has to pay their bills, too. Being a rebbe ain't free, bub.

In any event, a major portion of every community's assets goes towards charity works. It's been documented that the frummies are the ones who give more to Jewish charities- and they've got more kids and less jobs in the first place! It's time for the rest of us less-than-ehrlicher-yidden to suck it up and play our part.

Just listen to this one testimony from our friend and partner, Lakewood Yid:

"I've been to the house of R' Steinman. I can assure you that if you saw someone living like that in USA, you would call in the social worker. Just about the only furniture he has is his bookcases."

That's right. That this Torah Godol should have to live in a tiny apartment with only a single bookcase is a major Hillul Hashem. Even the Vilna Gaon had a hammock. Thanks to your donations, we can provide high-quality furniture, new and used, to hardworking sages like Rav Steinman, so he can be well-rested for continuing the fight against the biggest enemies facing world Jewry today- rabbis who dare to teach evolution, and police who dare to arrest baby-killers.

Please, friends, donate now- and also be sure to write in if you think you know a Godol in your area living in less material comfort than his spiritual body can stand. Remember, if your Rav's backside isn't soft from getting a heated shiatzu 8-motor massage... how will you kiss it?

Other Gedolim on our list:

- Gerer Rebbe shlita- 1 heart-shaped, red-plush, "Magic Fingers" revolving bed.
- Rav Yosef Shalom Eliashiv, shlita- 3 matching pinstripe Ottomans, stuffed with goosefeathers (and a few shtreimels, for class).
-Rav Ovadia Yosef, shlita- 1 top-of-the-line tanning bed; comes complete with novelty oversize sunglasses.

And many more! So don't delay, call now and donate your time, money, car, SUV, house... just no prayers, we've got enough of those, thanks.