Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hope you're all taking notes

...Because there will be a quiz. A stupid, stupid quiz.

Breaking news from some bozo in Shas: Gays cause earthquakes.

Shas MK Shlomo Benizri blamed gays Wednesday for the earthquakes that have shaken the region in recent months, telling a Knesset plenum debate on local authorities' earthquake preparedness that government action on homosexuality would do much to prevent the tremors.

Benizri said the government should not make do with reinforcing buildings, but should instead pass less legislation that encourages homosexuality and other "perversions like adoptions by lesbian couples."

..."Why do earthquakes happen?" said Benizri. "One of the reasons is the things to which the Knesset gives legitimacy, to sodomy."

"A cost-effective way of averting earthquake damage," he added, "would be to stop passing legislation on how to encourage homosexual activity in the State of Israel, which anyways causes earthquakes."

Yes, and apparently Shas causes brain damage. Who knew?

According to those in the know (sometimes called "reporters,") Benizri is annoyed that Israel is letting gays adopt kids. I always wanted to know how to say "Bill O'Reilly" in Hebrew...

But wait! According to Rav Lazer Brody, the recent earthquakes are a sign that the Messiah is coming. I'm confused. Are earthquakes good or bad?

Wait, I know! Gay adoptions are actually a tool of Hashem that he is using to CAUSE earthquakes, because then the Dome of the Rock will fall apart and the Third Temple will magically ascend in its place... um... because, uh, the Third Temple has already been rebuilt, it's just stuck under the mountain, and so the gays are acting like... uh... God's blasting powder! Yeah!

(Wow, being a psycho is harder than it looks.)

But wait, there's more:

"God says you shake your genitals where you are not supposed to and I will shake my world in order to wake you up," he added.

Wow, I didn't realize there was so much cock in the Gemara. How dirty.

For those in the know, Benizri's nuttiness apparently has a long history. Rooftopper Rav at Jewschool notes that Benizri has previously complained about "slant-eyes" serving him in restaurants. Oh, and he's under indictment for receiving millions of shekels in kickbacks. Thank you, Shas for showing us the Torah-true way to be a jackass.

At least the gay community in Israel knows how to deliver a snappy comeback:

Mike Hammel, who chairs Israel's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Association said in response that "religious MKs are apparently competing to see who can disparage [the gay] community more."

"This is a sad competition that shows how dark Shas MKs are," he said.

"On one had, it is sad that a religious MK doesn't believe that earthquakes are caused by God," he added. "On the other hand, it is flattering that he attributes supernatural powers to us

Zing! They don't teach you the fine art of the "burn" in yeshiva.

All this theodicy reminds me of a conversation I had recently over at Sultan Knish's place.

Steve- Listen to the voice of HaShem. Look what He is doing to our economy recently. HaShem is speaking, if Americans would only listen.

Friar- Economic theodicy; I have to say, that's a new one. So what, the Great Depression happened because God was annoyed with the US? (Maybe he didn't like Prohibition? We are supposed to get drunk on Purim, after all...) And the economy boom during Clinton's years in office indicates what, that God's all about the oral sex?

You bring up a good point, me. If gays make God so angry how come the past few Gay Pride brou-ha-has have all been earthquake free?

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