I decided to treat Shiksa Girlfriend to Northern California institution (though I'm never entirely clear why) called In-N-Out Burger. We schlepped to the nearest one and arrived towards the end of the lunch hour. The place was a zoo but we weathered the storm (having only 3 meal options does greatly simplify the ordering process) and got our food. While we were eating we somehow got onto the topic of kosher slaughter.
Me: Hey, I just got a great idea!
Her: (Dubiously) Uh-huh.
Me: Ok, so you know how Solomon Schechter was one of the big-wigs in Conservative Judaism, right?
Her: No, but fine.
Me: Right, and so just about every CJ school or institution is either named after Schechter or Heschel.
Her: Godamn Heschel.
Me: And "Schechter" means a kosher ritual slaughterer.
Me: So, what about opening a school for CJ kosher butchers called "The Solomon Schechter School for Schechters?"
Her: (Blank Stare.) Mmm.
Me: (Slightly dejected, but still committed, for the moment, to making weird schechita jokes/trivia.) So, you know Reb Zalman?
Me: Well he was born Zalman Schachter.
Her: Zalman Slaughterer? That's weird.
Me: Yeah, and when he went all hippy he decided Schachter was too violent a name, so he changed it.
Her: To what?
Me: Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. Peace-Slaughterer. Or Slaughterer of Peace.
Her:... Doesn't he realize that's SO MUCH WORSE?
The people sitting next to us must have thought us quite odd. How right they were.