Monday, November 17, 2008

O'Reilly's San Fran Schizophrenia

I was amused last week when O'Doofus declared my lovely city by the bay to be full of "patriots". Imagine my shock:

As you may know "The Factor" is no fan of San Francisco values, but last night some sanity prevailed. Voters said no to Proposition K legalizing prostitution in San Francisco, which would have given the pimps free reign. They said no to naming a sewage plant after President Bush. How insulting. And most importantly, they said no to banning ROTC recruiting in public schools.

So for all the voters who did the right thing in San Francisco, you're patriots.

Well, I did vote against Prop K and for Prop U, though I did vote for the Sewage Plant (my parents did not). I guess that makes me a 2/3rds patriot.

But, funny thing, Bill couldn't seem to stand not beating up on us for more than a few days, because he sent a producer out to produce a hit piece on us without any real focus other than pointing out that we have, OMG, stoners, homeless folks, and yes, a seedy red-light district, maybe even a couple. Totally, you know, unlike any other major-sized city. Right.

Highlights included the producer asking a teenaged pothead for their deep thoughts, chatting with homeless people who cheered our "progressive" police force (who have decided to spend their time fighting violent crime rather than busting fifteen year-olds with a couple of joints, crazy bastards), and getting some obligatory shots of some seedy strip clubs and a transgendered prostitute who cheered that the city allowed her to live the way she damn well pleased. The producer was also thoughtful enough to have several close-ups of intimidated-looking middle aged white women who fretfully commented that they feel too intimidated to walk on specific streets, or who were oh-so-irritated that their children's private schools happen to be near, ugh, homeless people. "It's not always pretty," one sniffed (with a noticeable French accent, I might add).

No mention was made of any of the city's recreational areas (over twenty-five parks and beaches that easily make up about 12 of the city's 49 square miles), landmarks, cultural or educational institutions (50-plus museums, 22 colleges), or even such useful and presumably relevant context as comparative crime rates. I also found it interesting that the only places they bothered to film were some of the dicier areas of downtown, the Mission, and of course the iconic Haight-Ashbury, where I, for one, have been to maybe ten times while living in the city for well over a decade. This is particualrly funny because most of the city's residents live nowhere near these areas (they couldn't even be bothered to find the residential slums!). To look at this footage, not a single person in the city lives in a house (only the park), and no one wears shoes. Yeah, real representative.

As one dipwad put it, "You got your hookers, your homeless people, your pimps. It's all here!" No one denies this is true, but again, this is hardly unusual in a big city. What does any of this have to do with SF values? (I was very surprised we didn't see much of the GLBT areas or personalities, unless you count the outspoken hooker.)

Then O'Reilly had a pow-wow with his producer and he tried to bring it back to culture. Sneering producer man said, "They don't want to make any judgment about people because they don't think it's politically correct. They've been worn down by this [homeless stuff?] and accept it as normal."

Wow, could it be because there are homeless people practically everywhere? And yet we're not calling for them to be locked up or have their genitals removed. Must be a PC thing.

When comparing SF to NY, produer-boy commented, "In New York you see a few homeless people at a time, but there they roam in packs." Now, I'm not happy about aggressive or intimidating groups of panhandlers, but this bozo was walking over and shoving his camera into groups of street people lying on the grass in a public park. Ooh, look out, a hippy pack!

There was also this lovely exchange:

Producer: "After Giuliani, you can go into Central Park at night. In San Francisco you don't go near one of these parks at night."

O'Reilly: "Yeah, you wouldn't go near the Presidio at night. I certainly wouldn't."

Really? The Presidio? You mean one of our national parks that has housed military families for decades, includes a historic fort, two museums and a popular sports field, and which until recently maintained several late night fast-food joints, a bowling alley and a movie theater (all popular with local kids)? The place where Lucas Film spent millions designing a brand-new design facility? The place that has rented temporary space to local schools for almost ten years (amazing the parents ever made it back from back-to-school-night, isn't it)? Oh, and the area that borders some of the most expensive real estate in the city?

Well, it's just as I thought, Bill is way too brave to let a little thing like not knowing what he's talking about ever stand in his way.

Best line from producer-fool: "Almost every neighborhood [in San Francisco] has a dark element that seeps into greater society."

Yes, bwa-ha-ha! Stare into our dark abyss, America, and see what horrible fate awaits your pathetic towns should you accept our Secular Progressive values!

Wait, what's that?


You know what, O'Schmuckface? I think we'll be ok. In fact, please keep dumping on us. We could use the money.

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