Fun Moments in Hyperbole- Rosh Hashanah Edition

Ah, the High Holidays. That special time where professional Jewish pundits come together and make comparisons that show they have no idea what they're talking about:

- Shmuley Boteach: Deficits in America's economy, culture, and politics make us a bunch of zombies, or possibly vampires.

In this coming year let us be a nation of innovation, creativity, and imagination, as Henry David Thoreau said, one that ‘suck[s] out all the marrow of life,’ rather than a nation of the undead that sucks the last few drops of blood out of an exhausted and burned out economy.

Yes, that's Shmuley Boteach, self-appointed Chief Rabbi of the United States and who apparently can't tell the difference between Rosh Hashanah and Halloween.

- Avi Shafran: Doing teshuva is like "having a time machine."

An act of eating of non-kosher meat years ago can be “accessed and edited” into the equivalent of consuming matzah on Pesach. We can travel back in time and change the past.

In related news, Dreamworks has tapped R. Shafran to write the screenplay for their new movie, Time Machine 2: In 3-D. Under Avi's talented pen, I'm sure we can expect that one to be just as brilliant and entertaining as its predecessor.