Get your story straight

We know that theodicy is a fun pastime for Haredi leaders, as it is for loyal blog frenemy Lazer Brody. But while some of these gedolei hador are holy enough to get daily personal communications from God explaining why he's doing the crazy things we read about in the news, it seems that he's been two-timing them.

Lazer says:

The prophet Zecharia tells us in Chapter 14 of his prophecy that in the end of days, all the nations will gather to attack Jerusalem. The same prophecy appears in Micah 4:11 and in Psalms 2:1, according to the Malbim's elaboration of King David's question, "Why do the nations tremble?" 

...How can anyone turn a blind eye to the fact that the whole world is changing, both politically and geophysically? The volcanos, yesterday's earthquake in New Zealand, the heavy blizzards in North America, the typhoons in the Far East, and the shakeup of governments around the globe are all wakeup calls from Hashem. The more one ignores the alarm clock, the louder it gets. Only a fool puts his head in the ground like an ostrich... 

The Arab world will continue to become more radically Islamic. This past Friday, two million people gathered in downtown Cairo of "moderate" Egypt to chant for the "liberation" of Jerusalem, claiming that they're all ready to become shahidim, or suicide bombers. This phenomena will only spread. But, with Hashem's loving grace, our prophets and sages have prepared us.

In other words, the massive protests in the Arab world are happening because God wants Muslims to become a unified front opposing Israel, the better to serve his love of black-and-white end-time scenarios.

But wait! The leaders of Israel's Litvish community got a different God-memo. While R. Chaim Kanievsky seems to agree with Lazer that the Arab protests are part of a God-and-Magog showdown, R. Aharon Shteinman's got a different drash.

"Recently it appears that there is a powerful effort to destroy and agitate the world of the Torah, through various attempts to prosecute kollels and yeshiva students," Steinman said. "When you try to agitate the world of the Torah, God agitates the world."

Got that? It's not Armageddon, it's that God's pissed about secularists in the Knesset trying to limit stipends to kollel students. Psht. You actually thought God cared about anyone outside Bnei Brak? What are you, some kind of universalist?

Whatever the "real" message behind the Arab revolutions, one thing is clear- God needs to work on his communication skills.

Hat tip to Failed Messiah.