Tuesday, December 12, 2006

WND: Soy makes you gay

Yup, this according to Jim Rutz, the pastor of something called "Megashift Ministries", (which I can only assume teaches born-again Christians how to drive a manual transmission on monster cars) who declares that "A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals".

You see, Rutz claims that soy contains estrogen. This means that men are "suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your "female side," physically and mentally." Wow, sounds almost as bad as The View and Oxygen (don't even mention Lifetime).

More from Rutz:

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.

Yeah, dammit! We need to be feeding our babies steak as early as possible. Better yet, release them into the wild and teach them to hunt moose in packs. It works for wolves- you never see any of them marching in a parade.

Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

Hell, why not blame the diapers while we're at it? Maybe there's some gay-virus that's passed through a particular kind of plastic in the Huggies. And that also explains why so many Depends wearers lose interest in sex right around age 80... Eureka!

Research in 2000 showed that a soy-based diet at any age can lead to a weak thyroid, which commonly produces heart problems and excess fat. Could this explain the dramatic increase in obesity today?

Yeah, it's not fast food's fault- it's that damn soy shake. When will parents learn? Also, this explains why I've gone from an A cup to a double-B- it's made me fat AND feminine! Damn you, soy!

Rutz also blames soy for leukemia and cancer. On the plus side, though, he says soy sauce is fine, though I'm still skeptical. I mean, you know who REALLY likes soy sauce? The sushi-eating, shit-on-America-first, liberal Hollywood fairy patrol. Just to be safe, I'd say stay away from anything that even has a "y" in its name. (Don't worry, you can still have Thanksgiving, just call those orange things sweet potatoes, no one will ever know.)

So wait, if soy makes you gay, and feminine, and infertile:

- Is homosexuality really curable by prayer?

- How come it's been a food (not just a condiment) in Asia for 2,000 years without us ever hearing about this? If Ben Franklin was eating soy and writing about it in the 1770s, don't you think he would have mentioned it if his testicles had suddenly started shrinking?


Anagrysis said...

You still can't have Thanksgiving—"turkey" ends with "y", just like "soy". So you're basically screwed there. However, "SPAM" is good by all accounts.

Also, the biggest prayer one can offer to cure his nascent femininity due to eating soy is to stop eating soy. Pray with your actions and deeds, not just your words—just like how you vote, I'm told. Of course, if you're this concerned about the possibility of having to cure it by prayer, you may as well drill a few holes in your head and go from there. I mean, it worked for the Neanderthals…

Friar Yid (not Shlita) said...

First of all, you can spell turkey some other way- like Turké. Besides, that sounds more appetizing anyway.

Second, speak of the devil- or should I say Gay Satan? http://www.tofubear.com/

I mean, really, what more proof do you need than this putrid video?

BTA said...

If these guy had ever seen the gay parades on tv, how would they explain the huge muscle-dudes' estrogen levels?