Dumbass Roundup

I'm busy these days, but so are all the idiots out there. In the interests of efficiency, here's some of the dumber stuff I came across this week:

In breaking news, it turns out people are still cheating welfare. Saint Chrissy thinks this means we should abolish the welfare system.

This money was meant to feed and clothe struggling families. It's supposed to help families get back on their feet. All it's really doing is enabling them. What they need is an intervention. But our government doesn't see it that way. The raging liberals in California will support welfare until their last breath. I don't know if it's out of spite as in "We'll show these Republicans who's boss," or if they're really that dumb to think this is the way to help American families.

My mother was a single parent with two kids. She didn't have help from her parents or anyone else. She provided a roof over their head, food in their bellies and clothes on their back. Not once did she resort to welfare. So don't tell me that it's necessary. It's obvious through this study that it's another useless tool in the liberal belt.

In related news, I once saw a woman cheat on her written test at the DMV. By this logic, rather than create stricter guidelines to make cheating harder and catch people, we should instead eliminate the written test (or maybe get rid of the DMV altogether).

Les Kinsolving is mad about the prospect of repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but would have a hard time milking an entire column out of "Ew! Gross!", so he tries to re-frame the issue as one focusing over health and human rights:

The recruitment of self-announced homosexuals would also cause a major medical problem given the sexual orientation's high rates of AIDS and syphilis.

Uh, why? Has the military stopped administering physicals?  I'm pretty sure we have tests to check for syphilis nowadays. Also, aren't there regulations banning troop fraternization? Why does Les assume that once we let gays in every base from here to Kandahar is going to be throwing bug parties? Is it because he's stupid?

Les also claims that forcing heterosexual troops to bunk with homosexual ones would be a violation of "basic rights", noting that the US Naval Academy segregates its students when it comes to housing. This is kind of funny considering all the various things that members of the military have to go through, first in boot camp and then when on active duty. It seems to me that if the worst thing that ever happens to you in the Army or Marine Corps is having a gay roommate, you're coming out ahead. But even conceding Les' stupid point about some people not being comfortable bunking with gays: you don't need to build separate gay quarters, any more than you needed separate quarters for blacks when you started integrating the armed forces. Just the opposite: to support the new policy, you should have gay troops bunk with straight ones, and anyone too weirded out can be separated. If DADT is repealed, it becomes the new normal. Les' problem only persists as long as we assume that everyone will continue to think the way he does.

Incidentally, Les, you know whose armies do accept openly gay recruits? Among others, there's Australia, Canada,  Russia, South Africa, Taiwan, the UK (along with most of Europe), and of course, that darling of the right, Israel. Last I checked, it seems like their armies all continue to function just fine. Maybe instead of talking out of your ass you should actually do some comparative research. You know, as long as you're still pretending to be a journalist.

Les has one more argument up his sleeve, though, and it's a doozy: An expert witness. Well, expert enough.

One Marine Corps veteran is Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council.

He declared that Judge Phillips is "playing politics with our national defense. Once again, an activist federal judge is using the military to advance a liberal social agenda. There is still strong opposition to changing the law from military leaders."

Boo-ya! In your face, judges! A Conservative activist who also happens to be Marine Corps veteran has an opinion! Looks like we sure showed you. (Shut up, Mullen! Who let you in here?) BTW, I love how when liberals have policies about the military, it's playing politics, but when conservatives have policies they're somehow politics-free. Must be magic.

Finally, Janet Folger had no ideas this week, so she fell back on an old standby: When you don't have anything to bitch about, just make crap up. This week's hypothetical complaint: Obama micromanaging Halloween.

Under an Obama Halloween, in addition to the permits, children must report all candy intake and leave 96 percent of it at ACORN offices and various union drop-off sites.  They will be redistributed to purchase votes in the coming weeks.  Any leftover candy will be given to those Obama/Democrat supporters who are unwilling or too lazy to trick or treat for themselves.

If the government schools still have your children believing that Obama is worthy of the praise songs they sing, give them a "taste" of what that really means. After working all night collecting candy, inform them of all the restrictions and income, sales, health-care, "stimulus" and other taxes that will leave them with about three candy corns – two of which you, as parents, are entitled to for "property tax" for their bedroom in your house.

What's at stake in this election can be communicated to your little tots as simply as "candy or no candy."  "Trick or Treat."  Which do you prefer?

Nice indoctrination bit at the end. I guess this is supposed to be funny, instead of just incredibly sad and creepy? Well, I suppose there's a reason Folger's organization is called "Faith2Action" instead of "Faith2Humor", "Faithfully Funny," or my personal favorite, "Ha-Ha-Ha-Faith."

Oh stupid Internet. What would I do without you?

Oh right, be productive.