I've been of this opinion for a while- writing off your kids as Jews if they marry out isn't just stupid, it also precludes them from continuing their involvement with the Jewish community, turning the whole thing into a self-fulfilling prophecy. If Jews in interfaith relationships aren't told that "once you leave, you're basically dead" (what better reinforcement of this than the iconic image of a parent saying Kaddish over their "lost" child), they might actually decide to remain within the Jewish community, maintain their Jewish identity, and pass these things on to their children. What a shocker.The findings from Boston could fuel and shift the long-standing national debates over Jewish demographic trends, a seemingly obscure but perennially divisive topic in Jewish philanthropic and religious circles.
Previous surveys of the national Jewish population have suggested that the community’s population is shrinking — particularly in the northeastern United States. The surveys also have set off much hand wringing over the increasing number of Jews marrying outside the faith, a trend that is generally believed to produce non-Jewish children and thus lead to a decline in the size of the community.
The new survey, however, indicates that in the Boston area 60% of the children of intermarried couples are being raised as Jews, and that the number of people living in Jewish households appears to have increased by 50,000 since 1995.
“The arithmetic of intermarriage is that it takes only one Jew to make a family, where it takes two with in-marriage,” said Leonard Saxe, the Brandeis professor who led the study. “If a majority of the kids are being raised Jewishly, that increases the population.”
And no, naysayers, these kids aren't just Jewish because their parents named them Sam, Dave or Yeshayahu:
These Jewish children were enrolled in formal Jewish education — the same 92% rate as the children of two Jewish parents. The one difference between the two populations was that the children of intermarried couples appeared to receive Jewish education for a shorter duration.
The article notes that the Boston number of "actively Jewish" interfaith kids is high- twice that of NY, and almost twice of the national average. But it proves that it's not impossible- if you don't care about matrilineal descent (and a lot of American Jews don't seem to), intermarriage doesn't have to be seen as a barrier to raising a Jewish family.
3 comments:
This happened in our family. My sister married a gentile guy, and she has more Jewish kids the the rest of us put together. (In may case, my wife and I had to deal with infertility, and we feel happy enough to have the one we have.)
Of course, these kids are Reform, because, even though they are halachically Jewish by the most Orthodox definitions, my sister found the Ortho congregations to be less than welcoming to intermarried families. Also true, to a lesser extent, for the Conservatives.
Are you trying to spread intermarriage world-wide? Are you Jewish? You may be "anti-Hareidi" but you think this is right to post?
Are you trying to spread intermarriage world-wide?
As you might have guessed by the post, I reject the presumption that intermarriage equals Jewish death. Since I really don't care about halakha, I don't see anything wrong with intermarriage, particularly if the Jewish partner is committed to their Jewishness and has a community and/or family that welcomes them and their children. Since most intermarriage seems to be occuring on the liberal end of the Jewish spectrum anyway, and these people really don't seem likely go to BT anytime soon, I don't see the point in continuing to treat it as a taboo, lest it fracture a supposedly intact Jewish people that, incidentally, has never really existed in history. Intermarriage is a problem for some people, I get it. I just don't think the pathology of it should stop people already going down that road.
Incidentally, I am in an interfaith relationship. I'm Jewish, she's a cultural Christian. I want Jewish children (eventually), and I don't care if they're halakhic Jews. Frankly, I care much more about having Jewish children and a tolerant partner than I do a Jewish partner. That's where I weigh in.
Are you Jewish?
Egad, you've outed me. Indeed, I am a member of the tribe (on both sides, no less) and, incidentally, from a family about as non-religious as you can get. I distinctly recall eating burritos for Passover one year. I also fail to see what this has to do with anything.
You may be "anti-Hareidi" but you think this is right to post?
This blog will have to be getting a lot more hits for me to start worrying about whether I'm influencing American Jews' behavior on a massive scale (though that might be kind of cool, I admit it). Incidentally, I'm not anti-Haredi as much as I'm anti-stupidity. I actually happen to have a soft spot for haredi culture and history, a lot of which I find fascinating, I just hate their politics and the mindset that seems to rear its head all too frequently and gets them rightly ridiculed in the media and blogosphere. Though yes, I should ease up on them- or rather, bash all yutzes equally. A fair point. But again, I don't see what this has to do with the post.
Do I think this is right to post? First of all, it's true, so yes. Second of all, I think it's a legitimate and worthwhile point to make. Third, I don't recognize halakha as binding or particularly meaningful, so it's all personal preference anyway, from my POV. Fourth, I don't anticipate my readers are going to run right out and marry ANYONE in particular after reading the post- but you know what? If it helps even one person realize that they don't have to choose between breaking up a meaningful relationship or having their parents sit shiva for them, so much the better.
Choices are never a bad thing. (Unless it's something like choosing between herring and borscht.)
Thanks for the comment.
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