Brings a Tear to Me Eye

News flash: you know what sleazy Washington lobbyists apparently don't like? Being told what to do, or rather, not do.

When newly elected Democratic leaders promised tougher House and Senate ethics rules last year, some lobbyists predicted the plan would be but a ripple in a glass of champagne for an industry skilled at catering to congressional needs and wants.

Then came last week's bill, and a sobering realization: For the first time, lobbyists will be held personally accountable for obeying dozens of complicated contribution, gift, travel and sponsorship rules. Jail time, a remote but unnerving new prospect, has K Street working to interpret the rules.

Some angry lobbyists vow to do what they're paid to do: persuade members to change the bill before it becomes law in July.

That's right, if lobbyists are stopped from bribing or otherwise greasing the wheels/minds of politicians, there's only one thing to do- bribe them some more!

Lobbying league members were furious that members did not allow them much input into the rules, or how to comply.

"They passed this because they thought it was good for the republic," one said. "But they'll still call and say 'Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?' "

Cleta Mitchell, a lawyer with Foley & Lardner, was more blunt. "You remember 'Lysistrata?' " she asked, a Greek play about women who get their men to stop warring by denying them sex. "We know how to end this war. ... You could just not put out" campaign money.

It's extremely sad that this is seen as a threat. If anything, cutting down on campaign money should be a goal: what a concept, to have a government that isn't beholden to being bought and sold, or to have an election system in place where you don't have to be a millionaire or raise millions in campaigning (or both) in order to buy media attention and respect.

The legislation scheduled to take effect this summer makes golf dates, beach picnics and ball games with lobbyists the new risky behavior. With lobbyist-paid dining to be all but banned, gone is the pizza sent by lobbyists to treat Hill staffers working late on appropriations bills. Savvy House staffers now know that the popular rooftop party spot over Charlie Palmer's restaurant is fully visible from the window of offices of the House ethics committee -- whose members can act on what they see.

GOOD! Government transparency is a GOOD thing. If we can't shame the government and lobbyists on this, maybe we can at least scare them enough so they cool their jets.

Laurence Bory, corporate lobbyist at HDR, an architectural firm that handles big federal projects, attended a lobbyist breakfast near the Capitol last month with a congressional committee chairman who "ate breakfast at home, came with his own coffee mug, and told us his staff advised him that he shouldn't accept a refill," Bory recalled.

Better yet, have there not be any gifts involved. Have the lobbyists stop trying to pad their arguments with freebies. You want to give a presentation? Go for it. The rest of this stuff is just crap.

But wait, there are more sob stories!

The House rules took effect as the law firm Holland & Knight was organizing its February new members' welcome. Staffers took plans before the House and Senate ethics committees.

"They made it very clear: 'finger food,' " recalled Holland & Knight lawyer Rich Gold. " 'No sandwiches, nothing that would be considered a meal. You don't want people sitting down.' "

For 1,000 members, staffers, lawyers and clients mingling to the strains of a jazz trio among the Corinthian columns of the Cannon House office building's Caucus Room, "there was nowhere to sit, there was nowhere to even to put a drink down," Gold said. Attendees ate hors d'oeuvres with their hands.

...New travel rules say [House] members cannot be gone more than overnight, unless distance makes it necessary. They must answer 23 detailed questions about the trip on forms submitted to ethics staffers 30 days in advance. Lobbyists cannot arrange the trip, go along or provide a corporate plane. In the Senate, corporate jets will be allowed for campaign travel, but only if the senator pays the hefty equivalent of charter fare.

That pretty much kills the Association of American Railroads' annual legislative conference. Last winter the trade group flew 15 members and their spouses to Naples, Fla., for a weekend of briefings, shopping, sunning, golf and dinners. Now, the group will brief members in their offices.

Oh cry me a river. This happened because lobbyists- and government people- abuse the relationship. A bit of belt-tightening would be nice for a change. Let's make government about actual ideas and decisions, not how many perks you can get.

And incidentally, I suppose this is my chance to say that any Democrat supporting Bill Jefferson is a total partisan hack. The guy's a complete sleaze. Kick him out of office, try him, and nail his ass to the wall. Let the Dems show they're serious about corruption. Otherwise they're no better than the last Congress.