Some Belated Father's Day Idiocy

Courtesy of, who else? Sock it to me, Dave.

"Father knows best."

How do those three words make you feel? Turn them over in your mind a couple of times and be aware of the subtlest of feelings. Be honest.

Do they make you feel slightly squeamish? A little discomfort in your solar plexus? Is something deep down inside you repelled by those words?

Not really. More like reflexively skeptical. But that's my natural reaction to blank check statements of authority, not unlike, "The Pope/President/Government/Chief Rabbi knows best."

If so, you're not alone. Contempt for male authority – as if to say, "Give me a break, father sure didn't know best in my life" – is everywhere around us. We're swimming in it. You see, men, boys and masculinity itself have been under withering national assault for decades.

But what about the many cases where that may be true?

"Father Knows Best," of course, was a popular TV show during the '50s, when I was a little boy. Set in the wholesome Midwestern town of "Springfield," insurance agent Jim Anderson (played by Robert Young) would come home from work each evening, trade his sport jacket for a nice, comfortable sweater, and then deal with the everyday growing-up problems of his family. Both Jim and wife Margaret (played by Jane Wyatt) were cast as thoughtful and mature grown-ups. Jim could always be counted on to resolve that week's crisis with a combination of kindness, fatherly strength and good old common sense.

Sounds insipid and totally unrealistic. And honestly, how many crises are solved through "fatherly strength?" What does that even mean? And why can't the mother have common sense? Is she too busy making cookies?

Today, more often than not, television portrays husbands as bumbling losers or contemptible, self-absorbed egomaniacs.

A legitimate complaint.

Whether in dramas, comedies or commercials, the patriarchy is dead, at least on TV where men are fools – unless of course they're gay. On "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," the "fab five" are supremely knowledgeable on all things hip, their life's highest purpose being to help those less fortunate than themselves – that is, straight men – to become cool.

Yeah, but come on, isn't that like, at least a semi-victory for men? Or do you only count as the patriarchy if you're off inseminating people?

However, it's not only in Hollywood, but on Main Street, that masculinity has become uncool and even despised. The evidence is everywhere:

In public school classrooms across America, in every category and every demographic group, boys are falling behind.

Girls are excelling and moving on to college, where almost three out of every five students today are female. At the same time, young boys – who don't naturally thrive when forced to sit still at a desk listening to a teacher lecture for six hours a day – are diagnosed by the millions with new diseases that didn't exist a generation ago. To "treat" them and make their behavior more acceptable, we force them to take dangerous psycho-stimulant drugs.

So you're saying ADD is caused by boys not being allowed to go off and hunt ducks down by the swimming hole? And how sure are we that all these "new diseases" primarily affect males? And speaking of new diseases, I'm pretty sure AIDS hasn't' been around that long. Does that make it imaginary?

What about marriage and divorce? We've all heard that about one in every two of America's marriages are ending in divorce, but did you know that two out of three of those divorces are initiated by the wives?

Once again, Judaism is ahead of the curve. Three cheers for the Get!

How on earth did we get here? What happened to the great feminist revolution that was supposed to make ours a better, more equal society? Women are being liberated – or so we have been assured for decades – from their traditional roles, breaking the bonds of their former "servitude" and developing themselves personally, professionally, spiritually and sexually as never before. Meanwhile, men were supposed to develop and express their softer, more sensitive, nurturing and feminine side. Society was supposed to evolve into this great big happy androgynous paradise where everyone is equal to everyone else in every way.

Androgynous? Where the hell did you get that?

How utterly stupid.

I agree; it makes you look like an idiot.

But even if such radical "equality" were possible and desirable, why on earth do we now find ourselves in cultural hell rather than heaven? Why are men being denigrated as never before? Why are boys floundering in school as never before? Why are our family courts so flagrantly biased against fathers? Why, in short, if this is all about equality, is there such an unrelenting war against boys and men?

Tell us, Dave! Inquiring minds want, nay, need, to know. Who's to blame? Is it the gays?

As Ph.D. scholar Christina Hoff Sommers writes in her groundbreaking book, "The War Against Boys": "It's a bad time to be a boy in America." She cites example after example of how America's cultural, academic and political elite have had an extended field day maligning and redefining masculinity.

...Sommers shows how the chic, politically correct '90s "discovery" that girls are being shortchanged by American society – which has resulted in the profound transformation of our schools, laws, parenting and culture to favor female success – is largely unsupported by either research or common sense. She goes on to show that it is actually boys who not only are being shortchanged, but are being targeted for radical reprogramming by a society increasingly offended by masculinity itself.

Those daughters of bitches! But wait, if the feminist elites are in charge, how come they still haven't figured out a way to get paid an equal wage? Stupid lazy feminists. Now the Illuminati, THEY know how to operate a shadow government.

Mountains have been written about this feminist-inspired assault on men, this mysterious hostility we've lived with for so long. So let's skip over the usual litany of evidence – the fiery denunciations of marriage (which some feminist professors condemn as "slavery" and "legalized rape"), the militant demonstrations of the '60s, the toxic books maligning homemaking in favor of corporate ladder-climbing, and so on. Instead, let's get right to the very heart of the matter. Let's dive down deep, so deep it's almost scary – and then dredge up what truly lurks underneath today's "war on fathers."

Sounds good. Cut to the chase and all that. What's the scoop?

Let's make a crucial point at the outset: It's simply impossible to understand this issue – man-woman relations, marriage, masculinity, femininity, gender identity and so on – unless we understand that there is, in reality, an all-powerful and all-knowing God, that He created us and the world we live in, and that He has ordained laws and principles for us to live by. Further, that there is a realm of good and a realm of evil, and that both of these dimensions are powerfully vying for our allegiance all the time – and that, whether we realize it or not, we obey the impulses from one spiritual authority or the other. That's it – there's no neutral zone, no secular space that's off-limits to this cosmic tug-of-war over each one of us. Only in our vain imaginings does such a God-free zone exist.

Huh? Sorry Dave, you just lost me. So we can't discuss feminism without agreeing to the existence of God, good and evil? Sounds a little strange.

Indeed, this world we live in, despite its magnificence and natural beauty and order, is a war zone and always has been. I'm not speaking only of the armed conflicts that have erupted throughout history, wracking nations, cities, villages and families, but also the ultimate war that rages within each one of us. There's an ongoing battle between heaven and hell – and we're the prize. Will we follow the higher, noble and unselfish impulses that beckon to us from the heavenly realm? Or will we give in to the lower, ignoble, selfish, lustful impulses that also appeal to us from just beyond the three dimensions of our earthly existence?

Cut the crap and make a point soon, Dave, or I'm leaving.

OK, I'm with you so far, you might say. But what does this have to do with hating men and masculinity?

Let's focus for a moment on a profound truth that wasn't the slightest bit controversial for the last 3,000 years or so, but is now: God is our Father in Heaven – our Father, not our Mother. Calling God "Father" – despite some of the recent, politically correct Bible versions that neuter or feminize such masculine references to the Almighty – is not due to culture, church dogma or linguistics. It's for real, folks. The Creator of the Universe doesn't have a mother's nature. He's a strong but loving, just but merciful, Father, King and Judge.

And guess what? More than any other single factor in our lives, our relationship with our earthly father sets the pattern for how we will relate to our Heavenly Father. That is to say, if we have a good father, whose maturity and character make him easy to respect, it's natural for a child to transfer that bond he has with his earthly father to his Heavenly Father later on.

So... because God is (theoretically) male, we should recognize and respect all men? Or just those with kids?

Moreover, what's true for individuals applies to entire civilizations. When we encourage the bond between fathers and their children, our society prospers. When we separate fathers from their kids – through destructive feminist philosophies, subversive no-fault divorce laws and the like – our society not only fragments, but loses its very identity, which is exactly what we see happening today.

I don't know, Dave. There have been plenty of destructive societies run by assholes that were able to keep going precisely because of intense group loyalty to kings, priests, and fathers (look at, say, the Vikings). Isn't the issue just as much WHAT KIND of Dad you have than whether or not you listen to him? Isn't part of his burden to EARN and be worthy of respect and emulation?

Oh, sorry, there I go again blaspheming against my Heavenly Father.

Why is this true? Because, contrary to feminist orthodoxy, men are different from women! In this confused era of feminized men who wear earrings and are embarrassed at their own masculinity, this may be hard to accept, but there really is a reason Jesus was a man and that all of His 12 disciples were men and that the Bible was written by men and that the vast majority of pastors, priests and rabbis are men.

EARRINGS? You're going after earrings now? Ok, I'll bite. What's the reason?

And that reason is not, as radical feminists insist, that a bunch of sexist, patriarchal pigs created the Christian religion just to enslave and control women. Rather, men were simply designed by the Creator to love and protect and defend and lead women and children – in every way, including spiritually. (And yes, I realize there were also very godly women surrounding Jesus, just as there are wonderfully righteous women around today, but the point is, it is men who are meant to bear the ultimate responsibility and burden of leadership.)

OH! I get it now! So the reason patriarchy is a good thing is because God has a wang and Jesus had a wang and all the important religious founders and leaders had wangs, and so even though some wangless folks had some good ideas now and again, the ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY is in the hands of the wang-ed. Gotcha, you moron!

The simple truth, which most of us understood when we were little children, is that "father" – if he is bonded to our Heavenly Father – "knows best." But what exactly do those words, "bonded to our Heavenly Father," mean? Are they some sort of religious mumbo-jumbo meant to subjugate women?

Hardly. Let me tell you what those words don't mean. They don't refer to a phony, prideful, pretentious hypocrite hiding behind his religion. Rather, they refer to an ordinary man living in the light of constant, honest self-examination, progressively giving up his own selfishness, anger and self-doubt, and accepting full responsibility for the lives of his family members. Such a man is worthy of being followed, respected and loved. One important proof of this "heavenly bonding" comes when he sees that his wife is right and is willing to submit to her correct discernment. Remember, a good man serves a Higher Right. What's important to him is what is right, not who is right. So, sometimes "mother knows best," but it is father who decides the question. Otherwise no one is ultimately responsible.

I don't know, isn't that sort of like cheating on a test? "Honey, you were so right about how we needed to buy a new washing machine that I went ahead and got you the money from the bank that I never let you touch on your own. Incidentally, Happy Valentine's Day."

Incidentally, I like that the only good fathers in Dave's universe are apparently religious. That's actually not surprising, considering this bit:

...a godly man, a truly masculine man, a truly "manly" man, is a reflection of God's nature. (Remember, we're supposed to be created in His image.)

The ultimate "real man," of course, was Jesus of Nazareth. He was strong, outspoken and God-centered – also patient, sensitive and caring (but not effeminate). He was a "force of one," who comforted the afflicted and afflicted the comfortable. He confronted people with their sins and hypocrisy, while offering nothing less than the way to God and everlasting happiness.

So what happened to Him? The ultimate man was so threatening to the political and religious elite of his day that they executed Him.

Stupid Metrosexual Feminist Jews and/or Romans! I bet they wore earrings.

On today's secular, matrix-like world stage, where God's reality is seen as discredited myth, and alien philosophies and sexual obsession embraced as enlightenment and liberation, we simply have lost sight of who and what we actually are. Men are meant to be Christ-like – righteous, strong, courageous, assertive, butt-kicking, sacrificial doers of what's right. Women are meant to be their righteous, strong, courageous, noble helpers and partners.

Yet, even though all men fall short of the mark at one point or another, remember that they still have that divine spark within, somewhere. Just remember that it's there – and seek it out and serve it. And men, remember that your beloved, whatever her faults, has a divine spark, an innocent angelic nature buried inside, even if you can't see it right now. Seek it out and serve it.

Hey, am I the only one totally creeped out by Dave's seamless interweaving of klippot theology and saying that the benchmark for acceptable masculinity is Jesus? And did I catch a Matrix reference, too? Careful, Dave. Someone will accuse you of being a cafeteria Christian.

Dave ends with a plea: No matter how crappy your marriage, remember:

reject divorce as an option. Statistics prove second marriages are even more likely to fail, and you will lose forever the youth you shared and the life you lived – and your children will suffer most of all.

When we break the bond between fathers and their children, we're breaking the bond between God the Father and our nation. When we restore that connection, our society will be healed. It's as simple as that.

That's God's way. Listen to Him. He's your Father, and believe me, He knows best.

Yeah, I suppose things are a lot simpler... when you're a schmuck.