Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Make up your mind, Lazer

Lazer's identity crisis is getting annoying. Is he Rabbi Rambo? A Noahide missionary? A brilliant (if a fews years late) Kabbalist mathematician?

No, friends, Lazer is all of these things. And more. In his newest incarnation, Rav Brody has apparently gone into the used car soul business. Just check out his pitch, which sounds like it was lifted from some guy named "Crazy Stan" wearing a ten-gallon hat.
Rebbe Eliezer promises: "Anyone who engrosses himself in Pereq Shira every day - I bear witness that he is destined for the World-to-Come, and is delivered from calamity, and from the Evil Inclination, and from severe judgment, and from the Satan, and from all types of evil and destruction..." (introduction, Perek Shira).

What could be a better signed check than being delivered from all calamity, Evil Inclination, and destruction? Who can give you a better life and homeowner's policy for 10-12 minutes a day?

That's right friends, and if you act now we've got all sorts of financing to help you SAVE YOUR SOUL! That's right, no suffering, no hell, not even a little purgatory, we'll have you on the road to Paradise in style, and all it takes is a few thousand payments of ten minutes a day for the rest of your life. Perek Shira covers hurricanes, cancer, getting hit by buses (or Kassams), termites, root canals, and even unwanted pregnancies. Perek Shira works by letting you keep the hair you already have, and our new formula is designed to prevent 90% more anal leakage!

Best of all, if you're not satisfied, all you have to do is take it up with Rebbe Eliezer, for which you'll want to consult our newest work, "Getting your money back from the Dead: A Guide for the Perplexed (and Annoyed)."

So come on down to Lazer's download shop and we'll get you out on the road with a new Perek Shira- and soul- today!

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