Kosher Cabal

Oh sure, we've all heard the loony ravings of antisemitic nuts that there's a secret kosher conspiracy, a kosher tax; that hordes of bearded little rabbis roam the streets late at night and, Godfather-II-style, coerce honest, hard-working Goyim into putting little Us and Ks on their bleach and detergents. And, while there is a slim, ever so slim grain of truth here (companies do pay for kosher certification, which they then presumably recoup), we know that the overall story is bogus.

But if there was ever an inane kosher racket, it's this.

Gedolei Yisroel shlita are calling on the public to continue supporting neighborhood generator initiatives by joining the ranks of chareidim who opt for kosher electricity on Shabbos, citing the need to avoid the use of electricity produced through chilul Shabbos.

Kosher freaking electricity! Because that's clearly what the Big Guy had in mind when he told you not to make incestuous milk-braised lamb!

at the initiative of the Israel Electric Corporation's CEO Uri Ben-Nun, a proposal was made to replace most of the hundreds of employees who work on Shabbos with non-Jewish workers. However, according to the proposed arrangement a few Jewish workers would still instruct non- Jewish workers to carry out certain tasks, which means of course that no real halachically valid solution has been reached since some of the Jewish employees would continue to work on Shabbos.

AAAAGH! What if some of them WANT to work on Shabbos? Don't you realize you're talking about FORCING people out of their own work schedules? Maybe even firing them? So that your damn conscience is assuaged when you pass the Shabbos night-light?

Rabbonim involved in the matter note that in the event the initiative succeeds im yirtzeh Hashem, it would have no impact on the use of Shabbos generators as long as acts of chilul Shabbos continue.

Good, use all the generators you want. In the meantime, I'm going to go to India and China to convert all of the sweatshop workers to Judaism (under Orthodox auspices of course). Then you'll either have to fight for them all to get Shabbos off, or start making your own damn Fruit of the Looms, Gandhi-style.

This really takes the cake. Wait, did someone say cake?

Chareidi buying power is growing by 7 percent annually, yet advertisers are not increasing their budgets targeted at the chareidi community at the same rate. The chareidi population doubles every 20 years and currently represents 10 percent of the total population, but the major advertisers prefer to keep to their home court, expecting the chareidi sector to make do with a few crumbs from the cake. Some have yet to recognize the enormous potential the sector has to offer as the leader in the consumption of various products. Others find it hard to step out of the marketing rut and start saving the fat slices of the cake for the right places. Many don't even realize what they stand to gain.

You know, things like seconds.

Man, I wish this guy would start writing national news stories:

The haredim, often considered the "frosting" of the "cake of Israel", demanded that they receive additional subsidies today, or as Rav Elyashiv "Devil's Food" shlita put it, "sprinkles".

Somebody get this guy a doughnut. I think he missed lunch.