Let the self-congratulation begin

Go Israel! Let's hear it for finally striking a blow for world Jewry! Boo-ya!

What, you didn't hear? Oh, it's nothing major, just some Jewish philanthropies and the Israeli govt. finally did something right for a change. That's right, they saw a problem and fixed it. Not since "Operation Solomon" have we seen something as monumental as this.

Really, you didn't know about this?

Israel pats itself on the back until it bleeds

Jewish Agency rescues two Torah scrolls from abandoned aliyah center in Ethiopia

Two torah scrolls, which the Jewish Agency secretly snatched from a center for Ethiopians awaiting aliyah in Addis Ababa, arrived in Israel Thursday.

Jewish-American organization Nacoej took the initiative to bring the torah scrolls to Israel. The organization, which owned the center in Addis Ababa, closed it on Tuesday, and put it in the hands of other groups, one of which was “Jews for Jesus”.

Nacoej asked the Jewish Agency to save the two scrolls which were used in the past for prayers in the center, for fear that they would fall into the hands of missionaries.
The two scrolls were saved in a coordinated operation involving the Addis Ababa police, since the non-Jewish inhabitants of the center insisted on not giving them up.

A Jewish Agency envoy, Uri Conforti, arrived in Israel Thursday along with the scrolls. He said, “I was on vacation in Israel when we received the information that the aliyah center was being abandoned and put in the hands of the Ethiopians.”

“I immediately got on the first plane out with a legal document in hand giving me the authority to enter the center and take the torah scrolls,” he continued.

Addis Ababa police and Israeli embassy guards escorted Conforti in order to prevent unexpected problems. “There was a fear that other groups would take over the scrolls,” he said.

Conforti said it was a quick and almost problem free operation. Once inside the center, those present told Conforti they did not have a key and asked him to come later, but he insisted on taking the scrolls right then. “Within five minutes we broke the lock and took the books,” he said.

Jewish Agency Chairman Zeev Bielski pointed out that saving the two scrolls on Simchat Torah eve was symbolic of the verse, “And out of Zion shall come the Torah”.

That's right, the Jewish Agency broke into an absorption center and stole Torah scrolls, just as psuedo-Christians were about to get their grubby mits on them. What a mitzvah!

And what about the Ethiopian Jews? Oh. Well, they're still there. 26,000 as of February, actually. But, you know, who cares about them. Simchat Torah is about saving the TORAH. We only care about saving Jews on those "other" holidays, like Passover and Hanukkah.

What should we call this grand episode in Israeli history? "Operation Solomon's left shoe?"

Don't get me wrong, "saving" Torahs is a wonderful thing. But to see the JA congratulating itself for raiding this place (why not use the police you were "working with"? Is this the JA's job?) and to have it being presented as a VICTORY for the Jews (the Jews who have managed to get to Israel, maybe) is ridiculous. Hooray, we got two Torahs out of the hellhole that is Ethiopia. Now the Beta Israel still there have no absorption center, two less Torahs, and oh yeah, an even worse relationship with their non-Jewish peers. Not to mention what a great Kiddush Hashem this is for the Jewish Agency, I mean, Torah Rescue Squad. Look out, that rabbi's yarmulke looks like it isn't shatnez! Let's steal his stuff. On the other hand, let's be real- what were a bunch of mere Ethiopians going to do with Torah scrolls in the first place? After all, they aren't even "real Jews", according to the Chief Rabbinate. The smart thing to do would be to steal all of their Torahs and ship them to Israel. And maybe some menorahs if they've got any laying around (come on now, how are goyim going to be able to enjoy them as much as Jewish pyros?)

Hey, maybe this should be the JA's new job. They could start breaking into Reform and Reconstructionist synagogues. They're all basically as bad as J4J anyway, right? What about Chabad? The Karaites? Come on people, think! I'm sure there are tons of tiny Jewish fringe groups out there with stuff we could "liberate"!

Oh, and speaking of people convinced they can do no wrong, haredim are blaming gays for the Lebanon War again.

Haredim: J’lem gay parade may lead to another war

Thousands of ultra-Orthodox protest at Jerusalem’s Sabbath Square against holding of 2006 Gay Pride Parade in city; ‘war in Lebanon broke out as soon as the parade was announced,’ haredi man says. Head of Eda Haredit rabbinic court: We did not succeed in Lebanon due to promiscuity in Holy Land

Ok, actually, it seems like they're blaming them for a bunch of things. Some guys are saying the Jerusalem gay parade (which didn't occur) caused the war. Others say that the parade (which didn't occur) caused the war to go poorly. And still others say the parade (which might actually happen now) will cause a FUTURE war should it actually take place!

Brilliant, really. Now these guys know how to cover their bases! "If there's violence next week, it's your fault. And if it's hard to put down, that's your fault, too." After all, we're talking about Israel here. That's like saying it's gay people's fault if it's hot tomorrow.

Oh and it's even better than I thought- not only the haredim are doing this, but also Kahane's storm-yidden! Awesome! And what reasoned statement do we have from Baruch "Kach doesn't exist, I'm just a peaceful activist" Marzel?

Marzel declares 'holy war' against gay parade

Thanks for coming out, Baruch. And may I say, what a lovely turban you're wearing. You look positively Rambam-esque.

P.S.
Speaking of congratulations, many thank yous to Joel for his assistance with the html. You get as many aliyot as you want. Also one of those cool cantor hats, if I can find one.