More settler mishigos.

The illustrious Professor Steven Plaut gives us all a timely lesson in Purim-style politics, using an example from the book of Samuel.

The Bible uses an interesting term for the failure to kill Agag and the animals. The precise words for the failure in the Biblical Hebrew are variations on the word chamal, which means "have mercy upon", usually translated into English in this segment as "spared". King Saul tells the Prophet Samuel that the Israelites defied instructions and illicitly "took mercy" upon the animal booty they had been ordered to destroy, and also "took mercy" upon the Amalekite king.

The Prophet Samuel goes into a rage, declares that Saul is hereby stripped of his kingship, orders the animals killed, and then Samuel slits the throat of King Agag with his own hand.

Wow. How hardk0re of him.

where are the political lessons? First, ... people tend to misrepresent their own selfishness and grasping materialism as "compassion"; affectations and posturings of compassion are often little more than excuses for illicit selfishness. That is precisely what enraged Samuel and is denounced in such harsh terms by the words of the Bible.

Such as Israelis saying they need Palestinian land for "security" purposes, or that reclaiming Arab property in, say, East Jerusalem, is "compassionate" because occaisonally the occupying Jews pay them a pittance of what the buildings are worth? Or that morons like Moledet are being "merciful" by encouraging Arabs to emigrate so they won't have to worry their pretty brown heads about being eighth-class citizens in a Jewish state (rather than, you know, correct the discriminatory-and illegal- infastructure). Yeah, I can see that. How astute of you, Prof.

Second, unjustified mercy is not only out of place, but it is among the worst crimes one can commit. Even a king who commits such a crime is considered a villain beyond redemption and beyond the ability to repent. Let us note that realpolitik dominates the Bible, which recognizes that kings may need to kill people to maintain their power and public order. The Bible is willing to make its peace with such killing - but not with unjustified mercy.

Of course, before the rabbis got to it, the Bible also recommended stoning witches and rebellious children...

Agag is a terrorist. He is not entitled to mercy, and showing him mercy is an unforgivable crime. Saul is stripped of his kingdom, which passes to David. Samuel showed the proper way to deal with captured terrorists when he cut Agag's throat.

The only problem with this is that it leads to everyone killing whoever they say is a "terrorist"- such as the Haganah, the Irgun, the Mossad, etc... (That's right, I saw Munich.) Isn't life easy when the only person able to determine who's a terrorist is you? And besides, who says Samuel is necessarily right? It's not like anybody in the story pops out of the woodwork and tosses out a "good job", or even a paltry "you go, girl!" For all we know, he was having a psychotic episode. (I mean, after all, he never cut his hair. You've got to be kind of crazy to do that, anyway.) Here's one popular artistic rendering.

Hmm. Plaut's column seemed pithier than usual. It must be this Purim blitz; it's got everybody busy. Or maybe he just took pity on his readers.

Also, our old friend Ze'ev Orenstein has decided to use his IDF-issued UZI to (in self-defense, of course) shoot another sacred cow -the Diaspora- square in the head. His article, verifying the kill, if you will, is typically egotistical and chauvanistic, though in a minor change, now towards Jews living on the wrong continent, instead of simply inhabiting the wrong end of the political spectrum. Thanks for showing us the way, Ze'ev. (Somewhat bizarely, Arutz Sheva refused to link to the op-ed Ze'ev is responding to in the Jerusalem Post. You can find it here.)

It is clear to anyone who is intellectually honest that the Jewish community of the United States is in a rapid decline

Based on what, exactly? How are you measuring?

the State of Israel is primed to become the largest Jewish community in the world (the only one with a positive growth rate)

Again, that depends on how one counts. What about patrilineal Jews, for instance (who, incidentally, are counted in Israel)? Israel is certainly going to eclipse the U.S. eventually, but the population situation isn't nearly as dire as Ze'ev's making it out to be.

the future of the Jewish People is going to be taking place in the Land of Israel - which is consistent with the fundamental principles of both Judaism and most streams of Zionism.

Sortofmaybekindof. Somehow I doubt most Zionists who believed in that sort of narrow tunnel-vision would still be living in the Diaspora. (Hell, even the ZOA is still in America...)

the logical conclusion that the State of Israel should be drawing from these statistics would be for her to be doing everything in her power to ensure that the shifting of the center of Jewish life from New York & Washington to Jerusalem & Tel Aviv is done as smoothly as possible, and to begin assisting American Jewry in coming to terms with this new reality and demonstrating to them that the Jewish State of Israel can be considered a viable option for those interested in continuing their Jewish lives.

Only if you accept your earlier premises, which are full of holes, and in any event, hardly convincing evidence that committed Jews must make aliyah.

what is the basis for the claim that the Jewish People and State can't survive without a strong Jewish presence outside of the State of Israel?

Well, for one, there's the fact that major sources of Israel's funding come from the U.S., which is at least partially the result of a strong Israel lobby, as well as the fact that, differences and bickering aside, the vast majority of American Jews (as well as other Diaspora Jews) support its continued existence and giving it assistance. Stupid.

Ze'ev now invokes some Wandering Jew imagery. He mentions the "long and tortuous 2,000 year Exile" which, apparently, he lived through (funny, he looks like he just got out of college...) and says that Diaspora Jews have always known fleeting security and stability- but this has all ended with the state of Israel!

I am in favor of the Jewish State of Israel providing the Jewish communities of the world with assistance for endeavors that are meant to strengthen their Jewish identity, and their connection to the Jewish People, State and the Land of Israel. Yet, by no means should the State of Israel be interested in "revitalizing" the Diaspora...

Ze'ev's got three reasons for this bit of brilliance:

1. Bad investment.

Despite all the resources (financial and otherwise) that the State of Israel has allocated to trying to "revitalize" the Diaspora, on the whole, there continue to be fewer and fewer Jews to show for it. Programs like birthright and MASA that strengthen Jewish identity while strengthening the connection to the Jewish People and State are worthwhile investments...

In other words, programs that beat "Israel is the only true home of the Jews; come 'back' before the American Shoah happens" into teenagers' heads should get funding, other ones just "aren't worth it". Incidentally, I wonder how much of those resources Israel allocates come out of the money millions of Diaspora Jews (to say nothing of their govts.) sends it every year.

2. The Jews belong in Israel.

the Jewish People belong in Israel - both from a Zionist and Jewish perspective. Why should the State of Israel help the Jewish communities of the world do something that is contrary to their own well-being and that of the State of Israel? Granted, The State of Israel can't force any Jew to come and live in Israel, but that doesn't mean that the State of Israel needs to assist them in their decision to remain in the Exile.

Hmm, sounds suspicious familiar to Moledet's position on Arabs. It can't "expel" them, but that doesn't mean it needs to "assist" them in not living a miserable existence in "the Jewish state". And contrary to their own well-being? Up yours, Ze'ev. Since when were you appointed Guardian of the Jews? You don't definitively know what's best for Diaspora Jews, just like I'd never claim the reverse for Israeli Jews (or Diaspora Jews, frankly). The difference is, I'd never say something so moronic and patronizing. It's a little thing called humility, Ze'ev. See if it's in this week's Parsha.

Ze'ev goes on to say that Israel's policy should instead be to "open her doors" to any Jews who wish to flee, "offering them a lifeline"ahead of the amorphous Cossacks nipping at their heels- wow, thanks. And incidentally, Ze'ev, just because your aliyah and absoption experience was so swell, doesn't mean that Israel receives all its new immigrants with open arms, or cares that much about finding them housing and jobs. Take a look at some development towns, sometime. Or maybe peruse the statistics about Ethiopian standards of living (they were airlifted HOW many years ago?), or how many former Russians fall into prostitution as a way of making cash. The immigration process isn't always smooth, and far from foolproof. Also, in case you didn't notice- Israel is not that big. You're the size of New Jersey and are rapidly catching up to it in population. Sure you've still got the Negev to develop, but at a certain point, you guys are going to get full, particularly when someone with eight brain cells and at least one testicle manages to inhabit the Prime Minister's Office and gets you guys out of the West Bank. Unless you're planning on expanding into the Meditteranean (get your new houseboats! Make you such a deal!), I'd suggest exercising a little bit of caution in encouraging the eight-million or so Diaspora Jews to come visit. No offense, but I kind of like not having to share my tiny apartment with sixteen roommates.

3. Aliyah helps Israel

imagine what an impact the Aliyah of 1-2 million American Jews would have on the State of Israel! Imagine the impact on the economy, on the way people do business and treat each other. Imagine the impact that 2 million Jews from AMERICA would do to the morale of this country. Imagine an Israel that can tap into the American know-how, drive, passion and creativity. Imagine the impact that 2 million Americans would have on the way Israel's electoral and judicial systems, as well as the media operated. The Jewish State would no longer need to consider retreating from parts of her Homeland due to demographic considerations. There would be enough Jews to settle the Negev, the Galil, the Golan, Jerusalem and Judea & Samaria.

There you have it. The sum total of Ze'ev's Ahavat Israel is contingent on how useful a tool you are in implementing his political ideology. Want to move to a settlement to be Qassam-fodder? Welcome aboard. If not, get lost, you Diaspora-loving pseudo-goy.

And since when do right-wing settlers like America so much? I mean, I know we aren't socialist, but I thought you hated our liberal media and our "activist judges", and our "blame America first"-ers? Can I send a copy of this to Bill O'Reilly?

Ze'ev keeps going: Yeah, American Jews have money, but you know what would be even better? If American Jews came to Israel- and brought their money! Make the check out to Ze'ev, please. That's Z as in Zygote...

Additionally, with the American Jewish community in decline, and with the younger generation of American Jews showing a disconnect with the Jewish State, it can be expected that in the not-to-distant future, the stream of American $$ is going to dry up.

Sigh. Ze'ev, you really are a tool. You've also ensured I will never give you a dime (or a New Israeli shekel).

it is in the absolute best interests of the Jewish State of Israel to do everything it can to allow Jerusalem to become the center of the Jewish world, in mind, spirit and body.

Tell that to the folks who live in Tel Aviv- or to the Americans, who still keep their embassy there.

The American Jewish community is in decline, following the natural course of all Jewish communities in Exile throughout the last two thousand years.

Like Gush Katif? Was that Galut too? Funny how these things are so retroactive, huh?

the State of Israel can't afford to let nostalgia stand in the way of Jewish destiny - and that Jewish destiny is playing itself out in the Land of Israel.

That's funny coming from someone talking about the necessity of hanging on to Hebron, impossibly located smack-dab in the center of Palestinian territory, and who suggests the most reasonable response to Arab existence on "their" land is to deport them to Jordan. And besides, wasn't a major part of Zionism always nostalgia? I mean, if it was just about a Jewish homeland, Uganda would have worked fine (well, except for the Ugandans...)

To my Jewish brothers and sisters in the Diaspora (AKA: Exile): Come home now, while good seats are still available... (Or, act now and avoid the Mashiach rush).

I'll call you from the airport. Don't wait up.