Humor Retrospective I

Americans Trade Insults; Stereotypes

Today in Phoenix, Arizona, the 13^th Annual National Stereotype Swap-Meet began. Religious and cultural leaders from all over America were in attendance, and organizers said that this year’s turnout was the most diverse in the Meet’s history. “Yeah, there are still some hold-outs,” said Squanto Eisenberg, a Jewish Native-American. “For instance, those stuck-up Amish assholes still refuse to answer our calls. I don’t know what their damn problem is. Why can’t they just be cool like the Mennonites?”

The Swap-Meet is a five-day event that includes lectures and workshops on the damaging effects and historical roots of stereotypes, concluding on the final day with the actual swapping. There are several different ways of participating in the swap: one long-standing method is the Stereotype Auction, in which delegations place different stereotypes on the docket and others bid on them. Another approach is to engage in an actual exchange, such as the great Swap of ’98, in which Polish-Americans traded away their long-cherished position as focal point of many of America’s “lightbulb” jokes for French-Americans’ snotty attitude and love of cheese.

The event is not without detractors; some say it makes a mockery of the painful history of the stereotype. An outraged Reverend Al Sharpton appeared on “Larry King” last night, denouncing the Meet: “I was shocked when the Poles traded away their ‘lightbulb’ status. They earned that ridicule through years of sacrifice and perceived ineptitude. It’s part of their heritage; it can’t be given away! That would be like if blacks suddenly decided to stop playing sports, or if Jews started flunking Math. If you take away the stereotypes, you take away the culture!” In keeping with his long history of boycotting things, Sharpton has announced he will boycott the Swap-Meet.

Supporters disagree, saying the Meet is therapeutic, and allows people of different backgrounds to learn about each other without stereotypes- and then to assign them new ones on an arbitrary basis. “It’s fun!” German-Japanese-American Dieter Shizawa told reporters. “I get bored of constantly being seen as a highly-efficient Nazi who can’t drive. At least with this, I get a nice change. It also lets us explore stereotypes without all that touchy-feely crap. After all, we don’t want to look gay or anything.”

As indicated by Shizawa, this year saw the first-time attendance of members of the GLBT communities, as well as, in a startling move, a contingent of Southern White people. “We’ve been stuck in the same damn roles for well-on two hundred years,” declared Billy Frank Johansen. “Can we please get something new? I’m tired of being a Bible-thumping, sister-screwing, racist redneck. I’m thinking of trying for something Latino. Yee-haw! … I mean, Olé!”

Not surprisingly, the most popular and sought-after stereotype continues to be “largest penis size.” There have been several complaints that African-Americans have been hogging this one for way too long, and it’s time to let others take a turn. Jewish community representative Irving Feldman was particularly adamant on this point: “For thousands of years, we Jews have gotten the shit-end of the stick when it comes to stereotypes. Sure, people say we control the world through finance and media, but is that really going to help our young men on a date? I think not.”

Some other categories include: Worst drivers; Biggest alcoholics; Poorest; Laziest; Criminally-inclined; Terrorism-inclined; Unintelligent; Superior in Athletics; Ugly women; Good at Math; Good with Money; Completely unintelligible; Control the Media; and Predilection towards incest. The festivities will conclude with some wholesome family-oriented entertainment, including “Racial Slur Sack Racing,” “Who Wants to Control the Federal Reserve?” and “Civil War Clue.”

President Bush was also on hand for the opening and delivered a short address, in which he declared, “I dream of a world in which Jews are lazy, Mexicans are terrorists, Asians marry their sisters, White people control all the banks, and Sikhs have huge dongs.” Bush added that it is his hope that one day the “stupid and smelly countries” that make up the rest of the world will adopt similarly progressive views on stereotypes. “Until then, screw ‘em.”