Thursday, January 24, 2008

Give me back your oxygen

The world is full of idiots today.

First, Britain, where an attempt to be culturally sensitive just makes everyone look stupid.


Fearing Muslims would be offended, a story based on "The Three Little Pigs" was rejected by a government-funded British agency from consideration for an annual award...

But there was no complaint prompting the decision, and Sheik Ibrahim Mogra of the Muslim Council of Britain called it "bizarre."

"The vast majority of Muslims have no problem whatsoever with the 'Three Little Pigs,'" he told the London Daily Mail at the time. "It's always been the traditional way of telling the story, and I don't see why that should be changed."

Mogra acknowledged Muslims are forbidden to eat pork, "but there is no prohibition about reading stories about pigs. This is an unnecessary step."

Mogra asked how far society would go.

"Are we going to change the seven dwarves because it's discriminatory towards people who are physically less able? Where do you draw the line?" he asked.


I'm pretty sure the crazy-line gets drawn about three miles back before you start banning books with offensive animals in the title. Next thing you know I won't be able to read any books about Eli the Magical Eel (and his Fantastic Trip to the Sushi Bar) at my local JCC library. A shande!

Then of course, as nature and WND often do, we have an example of the exact opposite problem: people are fed up with political correctness, so they act like giant douchebags to even things out.

A new, cutting-edge, political TV show will challenge Islam with biting humor tomorrow night, placing the face of the prophet Muhammad onto a cookie and then having it eaten on camera.

"We're going to take a stand and say Muhammad's face is delicious," said Molotov Mitchell, the 28-year-old incendiary creator and host of "Flamethrower," a program described as a low-budget, gritty cross between the "The Daily Show," "The Colbert Report," and "The View" if Ann Coulter were the producer. "This is religious and culinary history in the making."

The theme of this week's episode is "All Things Islam," as panelists take on the faith of Muslims in a no-holds-barred fashion.


Ok, first of all, there are no recorded pictures of Mohammed, so how Muslims can be offended by his necessarily approximate representation has never been quite clear to me. Then again, there are no pictures of Moses, but Jews know damn well that he didn't have no horns.

Anyway, these guys seem like shmucks, as evidenced by the next line.

Islam is not even a religion," Mitchell told WND from a location somewhere in Eastern North Carolina. "It's an ideology of 'might makes right' disguised as a religion. We're going to show that Allah was with us when we baked this cookie and ate it. Deal with it!"

What the hell does that even mean? Is there some cleverness here I'm just missing?

Mitchell and his fellow panelists – all of whom are Christians in their 20s and whom he calls the next generation of conservatism – are trying to make the point that America is still a free country, and there's no need to cower in fear from Islamo-fascism. He laments the frequency of Islamic suicide bombings, giving a new twist to a famous line from "It's a Wonderful Life," by stating, "Every time a bell rings, a Muhammad gets his wives."

See above. Huh?

"What we're doing is exercising our freedom of speech and freedom of the press to the fullest in order to challenge a tyrannical, oppressive system that has doomed the cultures and countries of the Middle East for centuries," Mitchell told WND. "Now it's trying to invade our borders, and somebody has to speak up about it."

That's right, nothing sticks it to Osama like eating butter cookies. Incidentally, someone should tell Mitchell's craft services department to brush up on their frosting turbans. That's not Mohammed, it's a freaking snake charmer.

In it, cast members dress in traditional Muslim clothing and deliver "totally atrocious" real news items, recounting, says Mitchell, "what some jerk named Muhammad did this week. "I'm not going to be hurt and insulted. I'm going to ask people to ignore this," said Iftekhar Hai, president of United Muslims of America Interfaith Alliance in South San Francisco. "They would dare not do it to any Jewish person, saying 'the Jews killed Jesus.' The Jewish lobby would slaughter the Christians if they did that."

Hey now, let's be careful about using "Jews killed Jesus" and "Jews would slaughter the Christians" in the same sentence.
Mitchell says politics is the driving force of his show, saying, "The [Christian] church really doesn't seem to get it when it comes to politics. The church likes to ask, 'What would Jesus do?' But it often suggests Jesus would hug somebody for every situation, and that's not what Jesus would do. I'd rather ask, 'What would George Washington do?'"

Lose his teeth cracking walnuts? Provoke a war while cowering in a mud fort, then surrender to the French? Be a Deist? No, wait... deforestation? Man, history is tricky.
"Muhammad murdered people and he married a 9-year-old. That makes him a murdering pedophile," said Mitchell. "I don't think that we should burn the Quran. I'm a Christian environmentalist. We should put that thing to use. I mean, at least get some toilet paper out of it."

As opposed to the highly ethical murdering adulter known as King David. Gotcha.

Let's hear it for the land of the free... even for morons.

Edit: WND has an update. Prepare to be outraged.

A national television network has decided to censor an episode of a new political show featuring self-described Christian "infidels" eating a cookie emblazoned with an image of the Muslim prophet Muhammad.

Faith TV made the decision in the wake of WND news coverage about "Flamethrower," a cutting-edge program whose latest episode originally scheduled for this week deals with "All Things Islam."

"We're not going to air it," said Jim West, president of the Florida-based, Christian network. "We feel this program just goes beyond the bounds of good taste."

"We appreciate the producer's attempt at parody and drawing attention to controversial subjects, and we embrace his right under the First Amendment to express his views," he added. "But it does violate one of our programming philosophy tenets which is not to disparage any world religions."

..."If Faith TV pulls our show, I guess it was Allah's will. Peace be upon them," Mitchell clowned. "I'd say the real winner in all this is Muhammad."

West made it clear his network was not dousing "Flamethrower" entirely, only the episode with the edible prophet.

"We have a responsibility to our affiliates who have FCC licenses," said West. "We have a programming philosophy we have to live by whether we personally agree with their content or not."

When asked what specifically bothered him, West said, "Painting Islam with a very broad brush rather than focusing on radical Islamic extremists. I think the other problem was although much was presented in the form of a parody, it was done in a condescending, spiteful manner."

..."With all respect to Faith TV, I think this decision reflects a fundamental problem in the way Christians address pagan religions. The questions Christians should ask themselves are: 'Is what Molotov and the "Flamethrower" panelists are saying true?' If so, should we stifle it? And secondly, and I believe most American Christians need to think about this one is: 'Does Jesus hate Islam?'"


I love this. Exactly what information about Islam as a religious system was being displayed here? Saying Mohammed was a child molesting murderer? That has about as much relevance to the theological underpinnings (or sociological problems with) contemporary Islam as an entire episode castigating Judaism for the patriarchs' polygamy several thousand years ago. And incidentally, dopey, I don't think Jesus had an opinion about Islam given that, you know, he died about 700 years before it started. Sorry to ruin your fun with, you know, math.

Mitchell says the entire program will soon be posted on the "Flamethrower" website, and, by popular demand, the Muhammad cookies will be made available there as well.

"One fan said if we all told an Islamic joke and ate one cookie a day, Islam would go away forever," he said.



This tells you something about the kind of brilliant minds we're dealing with. Luckily, WND has no such qualms about supporting idiots, and has made the whole segment available on its website. Also, this brave stand for free speech should come as no surprise to anyone that has followed WND's long history against censorship.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Massive cringe.

But "They would dare not do it to any Jewish person, saying 'the Jews killed Jesus.' The Jewish lobby would slaughter the Christians if they did that."

That's…amazing.