Monday, January 28, 2008

My feeble attempts at Liveblogging the SotU speech

(My clock was 2 minutes ahead of CSPAN's. I couldn't be bothered to change my time-stamps.)

6:07- Bush walks in. What a pretty blue tie. And there's Hillary, in a bright red pantsuit. What delicious red/blue state irony. Good one, God. (Condie Rice seems to be trying to stay neutral in a nice little oatmeal number.)

6:09- That's right, Cheney and Pelosi are standing on the same podium. I bet they had some fun conversation waiting for this thing to start.

6:10- "I have the distinct honor of presenting the President of the United States." And one lone person huzzahs or something. Huh? What is this, the House of Commons?

6:11- "We faced hard decisions about peace and war." Really? WE did? Funny, I thought you were pretty determined to do whatever you wanted.

6:13- "We believe in the powers of individuals to determine their destiny." Sort of, kind of, maybe. *Middle East cough cough*

6:14- Well at least he's giving lip service to bipartisanship. Of course, it's a little late.

6:15- Tax relief, eh? Good point about the little guy getting screwed in taxes, except that they aren't really the ones assisted by Bush's tax policies.

6:17- And the veto comes out. Bipartisanship, right?

6:17- I like the idea of trimming the fat off the budget. However I anticipate Bush's and my ideas of what's essential may not be the same.

6:18- "You guys really sucked at stopping this earmark thing." He sounds like an annoyed Vice-Principal. Good point, but I don't remember him talking so tough when his own party was controlling Congress.

6:22- "No one can deny NCLB's results." Really?

6:24- Bush on trade. Free trade good. Apparently we like trading with Peru. Really? If you say so. Something about how people like our products. Call me cynical, but exactly which American products are being bought in Peru?

6:26- Helping Columbia is vital to preserving the well-being of our hemisphere. Hemisphere, that's a word we haven't used in a while. Yeah, go NoHem! Screw you, Chile. Go ask someone in your dinky Southern Hemisphere for help. Maybe Australia.

6:30- We need to make sure American scientists remain the best on earth. Are we declaring war on India and China? I think that's going to have to be step one.

6:31- "Congress should ban unethical practices of buying, selling, patenting or cloning human life." Who's going around PATENTING life? This is a new problem I haven't heard about.

6:32- "The Constitution means what it says." Truly, an orator not heard since the likes of Cicero.

6:33- "The Armies of Compassion" sounds like a new offshoot of Islamic Jihad. Just saying.

6:34- Is Pelosi reading a damn book? What the hell Nancy? It's not like you don't know your hands (and bosom) are on camera. Bush's head is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

6:35- "We will never fully secure our border until we find a lawful way for immigrants to come here and support our economy... Illegal immigration is complicated but it must be solved according to both our laws and our highest ideals." This, I like. Not sure how the hell to do it, though.

6:36- "We trust that when given the chance, people will choose freedom and liberty." Except when they vote for Hamas or Al-Sadr. Not quite sure how your "always choose liberty" doctrine deals with that.

6:39- "In the long run, men and women will reject terror and choose liberty." Except in Russia. Sigh.

6:40- No, Afghans are "defending their freedom" by building up the armies of local warlords, you boob! It's the same old problem!

6:41- The Surrrrge! Yar! Yes, it's great that the Sunni Awakening councils have been helping us fight Al Qaeda, but we're still ignoring that the problem is a lot deeper than Al Qaeda versus everybody else.

6:45- "Al Qaeda will be defeated." Hooray, but Al Qaeda isn't what's stopping Iraq from being a successful nation-state, the CIVIL WAR is.

6:50- "Political reconciliation." Well, at least he knows the buzzwords.

6:52- A "new cause for hope" in Palestine? Really?

6:53- As long as we're talking about a democratic Israel, can someone get working on writing it a Constitution? I mean, it would be pretty embarrassing if the Palestinians got one before Israel did, wouldn't it?

6:54- "We respect the traditions and history [of Iran]." This is a lovely sentiment, but I'm quite curious as to what Bush knows about Persian history.

6:55- "We will defend our interests in the Persian gulf." You just know this asshole is laughing his head off.

6:57- "The time to act is now." And the Republican cheerleaders come out. It really is the House of Commons. "Yeah! Yeah!"

6:58- "We oppose the genocide in Sudan." Yes we do. Now what?

6:58- ZimBABwe. There's a "bob."

7:00- More money for AIDS research. Always good.

7:01- "Increase funding for veteran's pensions." There's the cheering again. Wait, now I get it, those aren't Republicans- it's the Marines! "Ooo-rah!"

7:04- Articles of Confederation? That's a little obscure. Well, at least maybe it will make the kids go look something up.

And thus concludes this evening's entertainment. Thank god I'm watching this on CSPAN without all the idiots chiming in.

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