Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Is Not!

This is just getting silly. Doug Giles, famous round these parts for his valiant attempt at explaining why the South doesn't suck, is now going after Obama's claims to be a Christian. I have to admit it, this is a new one.

Giles' argument basically comes down to the fact that while Obama SAYS he's a Christian, he doesn't seem to be the kind of Christian Giles is. Heretic!

Barack Hussein Obama (or B-HO, as I like to call him) charismatically and emphatically denied reports this week that he is a closeted Muslim and instead declared candidly and with youthful verve that he believes in Jesus Christ.

Now, Doug didn't feel the need to disclose his own middle name, but I did some digging and managed to turn it up. So continue onward, Doug Douchebag Giles:

Yep, this week the junior state senator made it clear that he is not a Muslim but a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. Y’know, the Jesus Christ who’s totally cool with:

1. Abortion being available to mommy in all nine months of her pregnancy

Can we get some chapter and verse, please? I don't think J.C. knew from RU-486.

2. Parents not being notified when their 13 year-old girl goes in for an abortion

Was this in Luke? I never got to Luke.
3. Opposing any and all bans on partial birth abortion (an act that includes delivery of the baby up to the head, the crushing of the baby's noggin, the vacuuming of the brain matter and then completed delivery of the child's deflated cranium)

Or maybe Acts? It sounded boring, so I skipped it. (Actually, first I thought it was "Axe" and was going to take a look, but then I got to the first page and realized my mistake.)

4. Advancing the radical homosexual activist lobby in their pursuit to destroy traditional marriage and voting against the defense of traditional marriage (you know, that old Adam and Eve thing God came up with in Genesis? Well, that’s so yesterday with B-HO’s Jesus and his Church of the New Groove)

Funny, Jesus seemed pretty interested in overthrowing social norms when he was kicking ass in the Temple. The sacrificial system was pretty old, but it didn't stop him. In fact, Doug's given Hay-seuss an e-five for it:

Christ is portrayed in the gospel according to Mark... as a dragon slayer. Yes, the Incarnate One showed up on this terra firma 2,000 years ago as a throttler of the works of darkness. Mark whipped out his inspired quill and depicted Jesus as a warrior picking fights with that which was detrimental to people and places.

Whether it was in the whipping of the avaricious religious glitterati who were desecrating the Temple, casting a nest of demons out of a 1st century Emily Rose, publicly rebuking a bad politician or priest or foreswearing the wrath of God upon those who would harm kids—one cannot skip away from the holy script thinking Christ was cool with creeps. That is, unless of course, he chooses to close his eyes to these ubiquitous texts.


5. The creation of “special rights” for people who engage in homosexuality for the sole purpose of putting them at the front of the line on issues of employment, housing and litigation

I don't know, Jesus was pretty progressive on some of the issues of his day. Lepers, for instance.

6. The advancement of all “hate crimes” legislation, which ultimately could be used to silence pastors who believe—according to their own convictions—that homosexual behavior is . . . uh . . . wrong . . . and preach the same from biblical texts

This one's tricky. I don't support banning free speech. On the other hand, Jesus seems to like bitch-slapping people that disagree with him. So it's really an open question.
7. The continued funding of Planned Parenthood clinics in our nation's inner cities, which are performing genocide against the populations of African Americans living there
Was that Revelations? I'll be honest, I got bored.
8. B-HO going to a church that propagates anti-white, anti-American and anti-Jewish blather, zany 9/11 “was our fault because we’re racists” rancor, and a “black value system” (Hello! Can you imagine if a white guy did this?)—all via a pastor who has hung out with Qaddafi and honors Louis Farrakhan. Isn’t that special?
But Southern Baptists, THEY walk with the Lord, right?
As far as I’m concerned, B-HO is to Christianity what Michael Jackson is to heterosexuality: He might be one, but he’s certainly not the poster child for the cause.
When did he ever claim he was, you nutjob? He only started talking about being a Christian because Conservative mudslingers started saying he was a Muslim. And now you want to shit on him because he isn't Christian ENOUGH. That's like Yehuda Levin trying to cockblock Elliot Spitzer by saying he's not Jewish enough. When do we get to talk about Giuliani's Catholic credentials? How do we know Romney's really the "right" kind of Mormon? We don't want any Reform Mormons in OUR White House!

The only way Obama and his followers can keep Christ and their liberal credo is to blow off huge chunks of the Bible and replace Scripture with the make-believe notions of SP's new malleable “Gumby Jesus” who offers “suggestions” instead of thundering commandments.

The giddy, in love with B-HO Christian skipping around the maypole wearing rose-colored glasses needs to understand something: If it were left up to the punch drunk secular Left, evangelical Christians would officially be SOL in the USA, fo’ shizzle my nizzle.

Not SOL, just not in the elevated place they've been in under Bush. Of course, to folks like Giles, that amounts to religious persecution.

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