What the Hell?

[Warning: racy language follows.]

You know, every once in a while I like to play Devil's Advocate. Sometimes this extends to positions I don't actually hold, like Jewish anti-circumcision activists.

But I have to say, even I have my limits. It's one thing to defend your personal choice to not circumcise your kid (and to ask people to stop throwing proverbial tomatoes at you). It's another to say something as positively boneheaded as, well, this from some weirdo named Erica Jong:

Ever wonder why Jewish boys are so fucked up about sex? Ever wonder why they fall for mile-high models from Slovenia who wear those big cold crosses? Ever wonder why they like Chinese girls, Chinese-American girls, Blonde shiksa cheerleaders from Kansas? Or those cool black models who dance like Beyonce?

It's because of the Covenant with Jahwah or G-d: I take this piece of your pecker, with your mother, father, grandfathers and grandmothers looking on, teary eyed. And you think of nothing but your pecker for the rest of your life!

First of all, lady, nobody calls it a "pecker" these days. Second of all, what burrowed up your butt and died? Third, what business is it who Jewish men choose to date, shtup, or, heaven forbid, marry? Maybe they're running away from Jewish women because they've only had the misfortune to encounter psychos like you.

You think female circumcision is bad? (It's hideous, health destroying and horrible -- and inflicted on women by other women). But at least women have other things to think about than their pussies -- like children, like politics, like writing. At least women don't focus nonstop on their vaginas... Men think about their pricks for the rest of their lives. Don't get me wrong, they think about them whether or not they're circumcised. But circumcision bumps it up to a whole other level.

Lady, get this through your head: YOU'RE CRAZY.

OK. Call me an anti-Semite. (I'm secretly a pro-Semite).

No, you're a malebasher and a racist. Is that better?

But how can you ever forget the pain, the fear, the confusion of being eight days old and having your pecker snipped? They don't remember, say the altacockers. They don't feel it, say the bubbies. We did it in the hospital, say the parents. He didn't feel a thing, says the mother (who was in the other room crying her eyes out).

Lady, I'm telling you, I was circumcised at THREE (for medical reasons, it couldn't be done in infancy) and I don't remember a damn thing. Ask most Jewish men and I'm sure they'll give you similar answers. There are legitimate reasons to have issues with circumcision, but the "it will psychologically scar you" argument makes about as much sense as saying that infants will be "scarred" by being born in a hospital and handled by a bunch of creepy looking weirdos in masks rather than popping out in "natural" structure like a hogan and being lovingly nurtured by midwives. The baby might care in the immediate short-term, and the parents probably have an opinion, but it's not going to haunt the kids down the line.

This woman continues on for another six rambling paragraphs, which include rants about Jesus and Kali, verbal slides of her summer vacation, and an apocalyptic future scenario in which her grandson is beaten up by skinheads for peeing in front of them. Since I feel nice (and nauseous), I'll spare you.

Hat-tip toJill at Feministe, who has some excellent observations of her own, such as,

They [Jewish men] fuck over-sexed black women but marry submissive Asian ones – congratulations, Erica, for racializing the virgin-whore dichotomy.

Plus, you know, Jewish women aren’t all sitting around waiting for Jewish men to get over their circumcisions and marry them.

and

you are out of your damn mind if you think that male circumcision is anything like most forms of female circumcision. The majority of female circumcisions involve removing part or all of the clitoris, which is simply not analogous to the removal of foreskin; a more appropriate comparison would be between removing the clitoris and snipping off the head of your dick. Female circumcision isn’t less bad because women don’t think about their vulvas (trust me, we do – and were you to suggest removing a part of mine, I’d be pretty damned opposed to it, despite my interests in children, writing and politics). It’s perfectly possible to question the cultural practice of male circumcision without playing the “what’s-worse” game with female circumcision.

Maybe Jews and Women can band together and go hunt down this crazy nut. Angry Guardians of the Internet, unite!