Friday, January 11, 2008

It's Been a Long Road...

Getting from There To Here,

It's Been a Long Time...

Since I had a beer...


Oh, sorry. I was having a moment. Yeah. Anyway.

Time to waste time (and space!) again. Recent keyword search time:

- "Yid". I resent that.

- "Zayde." When "Pop-Pop" just doesn't cut it anymore.

- "Hugh Downes." I heard he's being kept alive by Dick Clark's people just so he can play with someone his own age.

- "Lazer Brody Friar Yid." We laugh, we cry. Well, no, actually, he writes, I laugh, then I cry.

- "Sex Yid." Hot.

- "Yid Blog." Remember back before the Internet, where to get similar quality you had to go dig up a Heeb Scroll? Thank god for progress.

- "Yeshiva World." Coming soon to the Travel Channel.

- "Spinka Rebbe Arrested." Why should Rubashkin have all the fun.

- "Trephenation." It just makes sense.

- "Abir Sofer." Can't talk about it. I took an oath.

- "Abir arts Friar." What did I just say?

- "Don't be a Friar." Hey!

- "Chuck Norris homophobe." Now, now, there's no evidence of that. Weird, yes. Crazy, quite possibly. Looking exactly the same as he did twenty-five years ago, quite eerily. But homophobe? The jury's still out.

- "Israel Eichler." From the "political stooge of the Belzer rebbe" Eichlers, not the, "can I interest you in a 180-dollar siddur" Eichlers.

- "Photos Chabad telethon 2007." Get out. Just go.

- "Gay Breslov." Look, what two quasi-dead rebbes do in their spare time isn't my business, I'm just saying, you might want to give that tomb some privacy now and then.

- "Chabad." Too easy.

- "Naming one's kid Esav." For a practical joke that will last a lifetime... Hey, and maybe name his brother Adolf, while you're at it.

- "Friar Yid." Drumroll, please.

- "Jewish names rabbi off limits?" Indeed, most sages caution against naming your kid "Rabbi." "Johnny Reb," however, is perfectly acceptable.

- "John Francis book on the tallit prayer shawls." I hate, hate, hate, this man. Newsflash, dude. It's a scarf. It most certainly is not a set of "wings." You're either thinking of pilots or maxi-pad commercials.

- "John Francis prayer shawls." Get one free with your one-time gift of your soul!

- "Indians are the coolest." Ah, but according to the illustrious Rabbi Brody, Indians are really just Jews anyway, so really, Jews are the coolest. Nah, Nah, point for us.

- "The New Sanhedrin of Israel." You know you're in trouble when you're trying to resurrect a quasi-governmental body last attempted by Napoleon.

- "Shithead name Israel." Actually, it's pronounce "She-teed." And along with Osnat and Nimrod, it's by far one of the coolest Hebrew names. Or at least the most hilarious to say.

- "It's been too long Jew." New Chuck Norris movie?

- "Israeli friar." We're a small covert group. We mostly subsist on a diet of roots and WorldNetDaily. Which, as you can imagine, isn't very healthy.

- "Songs of Betar Irgun Lehi." Surprisingly limited. There just aren't that many words that rhyme with "Mighty Jabotinsky."

- "Jewish sexuality existentialist eroticism tikkun-bar." This sounds like one hell of a bar.

- "Shatnez checking in Riverdale." Let me tell you, watch out, guys. You do NOT want to piss Shatnez off.

- "Greek gematria Clinton calculator." Because when you want Gematria done right, it has to be Greek.

- "Obama gematria." That's it, someone get me a gun.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Some of these are pretty terrific. I hope there's a Jewish sexuality existentialist eroticism tikkun-bar near my place. And that it shows the Canucks games on big-screen TV.